Frankie's Quark 2

Another angel gone up to Heaven

2008-06-18T11:37:00.003-07:00

I write this now whilst the feeling is fresh...

a few moments ago I was told that my nan passed away, my father's mother. This came as an extreme shock to the system as despite her being a mature woman in her 80's, as a grandmother, the child in me expected her to live forever. The adult in me knew she wouldn't, but I had a belief she would be around for a little bit longer, and after that, a little while more.
My biggest regret with this is that we won't be able to attend the funeral. I don't feel like I've said a proper good bye to her, so I think I've now got to do that by mental prayer to the diety she prayed to (she was a very religious woman...which leads me to my next point).

Every time we spoke on the phone, she told me she was praying for me, wishing me the best in life and asking her deity that everything turn out well for me. Because of this, I felt she was always there, looking over my shoulder, helping me along the way, through the hard parts of my life. I've always felt that with both my grandmothers, the two grandparents I felt I knew the most. My mother's mother passed away some years ago when I was still a child and to this day, I think of her, even if it's just a passing thought.

I'm not a largely religious person myself. I don't believe in any fixed religion, but I believe there's a force out there, which watches over us and juggles the spirits around the world. However, with both my grandmother's gone, I now feel I've gained two people to watch over me and the rest of the family, in a way which is stronger than when they were alive.

My abuela was truly a wonderful person and I sincerely hope she's happy where she is now. She told us not to cry for her when she died, so I shall do my best not to. But her memory will live strong in me for time to come.

And if there's one thing I'll really miss about her is her telling me, every so often, to take a tray filled with bowls of food (olives, bread, little snacks here and there) and take my time eating it to stay strong and healthy.

Bless you Alejandrina.

The art of writing..a has it?

2008-06-03T05:35:00.005-07:00

BEFORE I receive comments on the state of my appalling grammar, freeze!
The title is used to mimic a new...'language'? used to caption pictures referred to as Lolcats (look them up on google), where pictures of cats have captions with grammar such as the above to make a little joke out of them.

That's not just me with the bad grammar (ok....that bit might have been).

On with the entry!

This thought came to me when I read a friend’s blog and from having said something so stupid yesterday, Tom pointed out that, as I’m a writer, I should be a little more eloquent in things I say. He had a point. And I also made me think…I haven’t written anything creative in so damned long, my fingers itch. And they have been for a while now.

I've had an idea for a story buzzing in my head for approximately...what...five or so years now. If this idea was a vine, it would have looked a mess, with bits and pieces hanging off it and others bits trying desperately to grab on. Lately, though, it’s changed, had a gardener look at it, and tidied it up into something…bigger…and healthier with the leaves of possibility hanging from it.

But where’s the time?
At university I had all the time in the world to grab my computer and type until my fingers were numb. I made the most of this.
Now? Pah! I'm lucky enough if I have enough free time to sit and breathe in a relaxed fashion. That usually happens in the 2 hours before bed. One of the reasons I’m looking forward to this weekend.

The fact is, I'm such a huge critic of my own work, I'm not happy about writing until I feel like the atmosphere is right. Then I start and I just don't stop. I miss those days. Haven’t had one in a while.
I've had cases where I've spent hours and hours working on something, then I look back on it a year or so later when I've dug it out to continue and I think 'wow...that's quite appalling...what was I thinking?'

This thought tends to put me off.

Now recently I’ve forced myself to think…how can you develop something without a couple of failures along the way. That’s how it grows. Through experience.

However, over the last few years...and the beginning months of 2008, I've found myself mulling over ideas, winding bits of story up in my head and piecing them together. I've got three on the go at the moment: all of them as drafts on a computer, and one particular in my mind being pummelled like a piece of dough due to the endless possibilities it offers me.

The one thing I struggle with the most when it comes to writing a story is the middle. One of the best quotes I’ve ever heard is ‘writing a story is like taking a journey: you know where you’re setting out from, you know where you’re landing, but who knows what you’ll encounter in the middle’. Of course that’s not it word for word, but it’s a rough idea and it’s the best thing I’ve ever related to my work. That’s exactly what happens to me. I know how to start, I know how it ends, but….what does my hero/heroine find/do/eat/say/meh on the way.

I decided to use this quote to my advantage. Every time I’ve thought of writing, I’ve reminded myself of this, creating a determination to push the boat along and help me find those ‘encounters’. Hearing that quote makes me want to combat it.

Inspiration:…now here, I’d like to thank my friend Harry. Several years ago, he introduced me to music which goes by the name Infected Mushroom. Sounds disturbing I know but not to worry. The best way to describe it is Psychadelic trance with a plot. Everytime I hear this music I picture scenes in my mind. I’ve walked along the street and listened to a selection of tracks on a loop everyday for a good couple of years and the inspiration it’s brought me has developed my ideas no end. I’ve found myself walking down the street and thinking to myself ‘ok so if that action occurs here, how would I find myself leading up to it?’
That thought then leads me to another plot device which shapes the rest of the story.

Now I can already hear thoughts spilling through minds of those reading this. Yes I make a note of everything that comes into my head…when I can. But the way I see it is, these ideas have been in my head for a good few years now, there’s no way I’m letting them leave now if I don’t write them down soon enough!

However, as these ideas have been progressing, a story with about 5 different possibilities have integrated themselves into my brain. One day, I will take my laptop, I will give myself several hours and I will write. Why didn’t I do all this during my free time you ask? Part of the time I have, but for most of it I was either job hunting or using my free time to do MUCH needed things! One day however, this story will come fully into fruition.

One day

House Hunting

2008-03-15T04:59:00.004-07:00

And thus we have entered into that joyous journey known as house hunting.

Having received a letter the other day, it was brought to our notice that we have one less month to look for a new place than we thought we did. Shock Horror!....well, no, I exaggerate as it's come at a perfect time.
We realised we're in the perfect place to actually start looking. The only draw back being everything is now happening at the same time (having to house hunt, attend larp events, the latest purple play and wedding plans...ack! Larp events are required to get away from mass hussle and bustle for at least two or three days)
However, duties have been assigned and put into motion so Tom books wedding venue visits in preparation for April, once my parents return from a month long visit to Argentina and I look into booking house viewings.

We've seen two houses/flat so far. The first one, based in Acton, we walked into and fell in love with instantly. Open plan living room kitchen, huge, two large bedrooms and spacious bathroom. Everything we could have possibly wanted. We would have taken it there and then, had it not been over our budget and required us to move in next month. This left me somewhat blue as I loved the place. However, I was brought back from my melancholia by Tom pointing out the parking wasn't really suitable and we couldn't really afford to pay the rent each month without having to sacrifice our little side luxuries (cinema, dinner, going out etc) and hobbies.

Saw a second place just today, based on a road parallel to my parents'. It looked like an upgraded version of our present flat. We loved it, was just within our budget and looked terrific.
Until we walked back home and realised there were more cons than pros. By the time we got home we realised we couldn't go for it. Especially as thinking about it the flat had been nicely designed to look big whereas it was probably exactly the same size as ours and putting all our extra bits and bobs into it (it came fully furnished) would probably do the same to it as we currently have now.
Plus the kitchen was just as small as ours only better laid out. Had it been unfurnished and open plan it would have probably caught us more.

However, we do have a viewing on Tuesday after work to see a place in Brentford which looks gorgeous. It's near the canal, perfectly settled within our budget and looks stunning. The commute may be a bit of an issue, but that will be debated properly when we see it.
I'm loving how many offers we've had so far for a variety of places. Admittedly, most are available now not May when we need a place, but it's great to know so many places are available when we need them.
We're determined to have an open plan living room/kitchen in our new place as that's where most time is spent when we're back home, so we're being picky for a reason. However, I've noticed those are in abundance at the moment so fingers crossed.
We've still got a full month ahead of searching so worry hasn't struck yet!

Next month is larp week and thoroughly looking forward to that. Purple show is coming along, though wadding my way through my lines. I've learnt the first hardest bit, but there's still big challenges ahead. Works going well as making my way through the work load. And wedding plans have been put quietly to the side for a while until April whilst houses are being investigated and words are being learnt, and waiting for mother to return to view with us.

It's full steam ahead this month, but fortunately for the good not the terribly scary!

2008-01-19T03:52:00.000-07:00

Just over a week ago, I started working at my new job (won't write where I'm working as I don't like advertising company names online whilst I'm there).
I'm manuscript administrator (or at least temping under that title), which pretty much involves putting manuscripts through the editorial processes online:
- sending them to the editor
- making sure correction are put in place
- ensuring people are reviewing it
- sending it on etc.

It's a huge jump to what I've dealt with in the past and a terrific learning experience. Everything's done using an online system so my desk isnt swamped with paper.
It's extremely interesting and an excellent job except for one thing.

If this job doesn't immunise me to gore films, nothing will.

To cut a long story short, I deal with medical papers, some of which have extremely graphic images. And my job involves looking at them because I have to ensure the figures are clear, the files aren't too big and the pictures aren't wonky. I really don't mind this as I'm fed up of feeling squimish and I'm thinking this might help pull me out of that state of mind. However, I come across some pretty nasty stuff, especially when dealing with the emergency medical stuff.The first piece I encountered which made my boss (who sits two desks behind me, facing my computer - my back to him) laugh, because i gave a really loud squeak apparently when I encountered it. I was scrolling down the page quite happily when I suddenly caught a glimpse of the image and my stomach hit my throat. I then took a deep breath and continued looking at the paper. Lets just say the image stayed with me for a while after that. I told myself, if I could handle THAT I could handle anything.

Until it came to the eyes.

Now, most of you who know me, know I have a huge issue with eyes. I had a bad experience when I was a kid and since then I never been able to endure seeing graphic images of eyes. Due to the papers I work with I finish my work load fairly quickly (1 batch I deal with the whole lot, but that involves a lot of waiting for replies, the other 2 I only deal with a small section so finish in super quick time).
A quick explanation being, in my previous job I had such a large work load which I usually had to finish by the end of that day or week, I'd have to teach myself to speed through things whilst doing a good job at the same time. So now I've only got this one duty to concentrate on, I'm able to use that speed to perform these tasks. Of course when the article requires it, I take my time and really look over it, but usually I'm looking for something which is very easy to catch onto, so it doesn't take long.
Anyway, as I finish my work load, they get me to help my colleagues who have tons of work to deal with themselves. One of which involves dealing with eyes. Yeah...it's not pretty. I came across one paper which contained actual operation pictures. To say the least, I couldn't bring myself to look at more than one without needing to throw up. It's possible I may be able to immunise myself against gore in that context but that was a little too much too soon.Apart from that the job is great. The people are really lovely and really made the effort to talk to me and get to know me which made it easier to get comfortable. They've also arranged a meal out for lunch with a large group of people as a welcome for me for next week which was lovely. And it seems within the week I've worked there I've already managed to impress my line manager as he took me aside for a meeting and said he was impressed with the speed at which I'd picked things up AND as he'd checked up on the work I'd done, I was doing the job well as well as speedily. Let's just hope it stays that way for a while.

In other news, have come down with a bastard of a cold. It started as a light cough progressing over time, worked itself into full phlegm fest (sorry) which means if I tried to talk for more than 15 minutes, I'd loose all use of my throat to a coughing fit, which was not nice when trying to make pleasant conversation.I then woke up this morning to find my sinuses inflammed and my nose completely blocked. I'm really hoping it doesn't hit me big time as I'm in the early stages of this new job and I'd rather impress them than take time off work, but if it's called for I will take a day just to recover as my job entails attention to detail and looking at a computer screen with eyes streaming doesn't seem like a good idea.Liquids, cough drops and early nights ahoy. Yay.

On top of THAT:...yes there's more...
my final wisdom tooth is finally emerging. And it's not pretty. The other day I very nearly called in sick due to the pain I felt in my cheek and at around 4 in the morning, I woke feeling the entire left side of my face in complete pain.
I've learnt that if I keep my mouth/face still for a long time, and then start moving/talking, the pain is excrutiating. So sleeping for 7 hours or so, means PAIN when I wake up.
I popped by the pharmacy the other day, and bought a tube of...numbing...stuff (to give it it's technical term).
I'd love to have them removed...unfortunately, they're so deep and the roots so big, my dentist has told me it's better to endure the pain of them emerging than go through the pain of operation.

One of these days I will be in strong health again...honest. But fortunately, I'm enjoying my job enough and getting on well enough with the girls I work with to pass the days well, and forget my cold and wisdom tooth ouch.

Annnnd........Relief

2007-12-20T10:28:00.000-07:00

*sigh*
The sigh above, is not just a small sigh.
It's a sigh of intense reliefIt's a sigh of having endured months of trudgery and having finally pulled through.

I have a job.

Yes. The other day I went for an interview with a company (who's name I won't disclose, but what I will say is it works with manuscripts put together by senior figures in certain circles). Of course I was terrified. So many times these last couple of months, I've either not quite reached the interview stage, or have been refused a second interview. I've been unemployed for nearly three months now and two months is usually my limit as by then I begin to loose my motivation and get extremely bored not working.
When the confirmation of interview came through, I put a hell of a lot of research not only into the company, but the online system the company uses. When I got to the interview itself, rather than being told what the company does and what my role would be as previous ones have done, I was asked what ideas I had about what the company did.
This is where I rolled off a hell of a lot of information I hadn't realised I'd picked up. The look of surprise when I told them all I knew about the company, computer system and getting pretty much everything spot on provoked such looks of astonishment from both of them, I couldn't help feel smug. As the interview progressed, I began to freak out a little. I kept my cool, but I felt I wasn't answering the questions to my advantage. I then went on to really lay into them that I really really really really wanted this job as it's pretty much exactly what I've been looking for. I left them knowing, not thinking, that I wanted it.
I was surprised to hear that I'd be taking tests as I hadn't been told previous, but then I figured, if I excel in doing the tests that'll prove that I can adjust myself quickly to their working environment.

Then yesterday, I think, I got a call from the recruitment company. Every call I've received so far from companies have been negative so I knew something was different by the tone of her voice. She must have realised her excitement was about as obvious as being beaten in the head with a brick, so she replaced it with a smoother, cooler voice...told me the news...then I think I proceeded to deafen her by squealing like a 14 year old at a McFly concert (I would like to point out now that that's just an example and I'm not a fan of that particular band lol)I then apologised for behaving in such an undignified manner to which she laughed and congratulated me.

ANyway. I beg pardon for laying so much on with the details as I intended this to be much shorter, but as I'm sure you can imagine, I'm extremely happy. It hasn't so much been a light jog for the finish line of job hunting but a crawl through thick mud of uncertainty. I've been hating these past couple of months feeling so disheartened by rejections, that I'd hit below rock bottom (with a pickaxe and a bottle full of GARH!!).It's not been an easy ride, but God it's been worth it. The role in only temporary, a kind of test to see how I do. But I intend to prove to them I'm worth having been taken on by them permanently which is pretty much the point of this job.I would relate my emotion through written word, but I don't think my computer or my blog could take the squeeing and exclamation marks. Let's just say, all my motivation came flooding back and, putting it to good use, I blizted the entire house and it's now nice and shiny.

Well, that's one New Years resolution down...about 5 or so more to go. This is the first New Year's resolution I've actually pulled through with I'd have to say mine for the coming year are:
1 - get a new job
2 - get a new place for Jan
3 - try and maintain a tidy place
4 - write more
5 - draw more

Of course there are a couple of others, but we'll cross those bridges when reached

*sigh*

I'm on a roll this month...

2007-12-04T10:42:00.000-07:00

It really is quite remarkable the difference this mouth guard has made. Have been wearing it for...what...a few days and already the difference is massively noticable. I've stopped waking up with my jaws aching, feeling grumpy and lathergic.
I've started drawing and writing again, I've got the energy to do things and I'm feeling in a much better mood of late.
Last night, for some reason my mouth developed a little trick, enabling it to actually remove and spit out the guard whilst I was asleep and completely unaware (like having a petulant child inside me refusing to believe I wouldn't let it grind it's teeth) as I woke up this morning without it and had to give it a good scrub after Tom found it under the bed. Ew.

Also, despite not getting both the interviews I went for, I've learnt from the experiences BUT I've also got another possibility on the pipe line. It's tiny, but it's there.
The recruitment company which got me my first permanent job at Hay House sent me an e-mail with another job, essentially what I'm looking for, asking if I was interested. I wrote back as soon as possible with all the details with a massive yes.
Fingers crossed something will happen with that.

Third time lucky eh? I have to confess I was starting to feel disheartened today at the prospect of going the three weeks of this month without a sign of anything, but it's nice to have a hint of hope pop up with most needed.

Lasting results

2007-12-01T04:02:00.001-07:00

As stated in Tom's comment in my previous entry, the mouth guard worked a charm after the first night's use. As it's impossible to grind teeth wearing that piece of plastic, I didn't which means I didn't tense my face all night, which means I woke up in a much better mood, something Tom pointed out to me as soon as he saw me wake with a huge smile on my face.
That and my dreams weren't infested with intensity and nerves.

Another bonus is that if I don't spend 8 or so hours grinding my teeth every night with no stopping, it should reduce the amount of time I spend grinding my teeth during the day, which has a lasting effect on my mood as well as my teeth.
It's surprisingly hard to stay calm and happy when your jaw and face is tense from 'comfort' chewing.

In other words, I think this mouth guard is possible one of the best things I've ever purchased and will save me a lot of angst in the future.

A long awaited solution

2007-11-30T05:12:00.000-07:00

Have just come back from the dentist and I feel 13 again. I'm currently wearing my new tooth guard which is essentially a piece of flexible yet tough, transparent plastic which covers the whole row of bottom teeth just above the gum.
It feels so weird!
And I never realised how much I chew my teeth together or ground them until I put this on. I'm technically only meant to wear it in the evenings, but I'm going to try wearing it every chance I get to push myself out of the habit of biting my teeth together during the day so damned much. I put it down to stress at the beginning, but I've realised now I've been doing it for nearly half a year.
I've been told that it's a habit I need to stop. But I physically can't. I think it's a habit probably harder than smoking as you do it when you don't even realise.
I find myself grinding my teeth together even thinking about forcing myself to stop. I used to try and stop the habit my biting a pen, but that does nothing to rectify the situation as I'm still grinding, just not doing my teeth in. It's the strength behind the grinding I need to stop using!
I thought I only ground my teeth during the day just occasionally when I'm worried, but I put them in experiementally in the car for the journey back home and no...I do it constantly. Grinding my teeth is now as common to my system as breathing and it's a massive comfort thing.

Poor Tom last night awoke me with 'Please stop grinding your teeth!'. I think last night really must have been the last straw for him. I grind them most when I'm stressed and last night I was seriously angsting about this job interview (I'm meant to receive confirmation today as to whether I have a second one or not) so of course my teeth went into over time.

Fortunately, as of today...I think his (and mine) prays have finally been answered. I cannot grind my teeth against this mouth guard for love nor money.

This habit was costing me my teeth's health, grounding against my molars and costing my canine's their sharpness, not to mention my bottom lip's skin situation what with biting it in an attempt to stop.

Of course the bill may hit me in the face, but I honestly have to say, this is possibly the best investment I've ever made towards my teeth.
I went through a good couple of years with braces. I don't want to bugger up all that work through grinding my teeth for years to come.

A bit of pain for some gain

2007-11-23T02:25:00.000-07:00

I know I know, look at me...several months of not writing anything at all then bam, several all at the same time. Hey ho.

And excuse the random title...I've just blown my nose which means I've made both my ears block up completely which means I can't think straight.
Marvellous

Firstly, the cold which I've been battling since the end of time, refusing it entry to my nasal passages has finally rugby tackled me and tripped me up in the most unceremonious manner, landing me neatly in my dressing gown (whilst fully clothed), sitting/lying on the sofa, dousing my throat in hot ribena and cold pills. Yesterday and the day before I felt so down I found myself feeling irrationally sad at the most random things and yesterday when in bed, reading, I was feeling so forlorn, I ended up crying because I couldn't open a bottle of water, and couldn't stop myself from saying the most abstract things. I wasn't feverish...I just felt extremely down and my head and sinuses felt three times the size.
The cold really hit yesterday when I entered comatose bunny state at bed time and Tom had to carry me to bed, fireman style.

However, by some wondrous miracle, I now feel like I've been resurrected from the dead. I woke up today and leapt out of bed to continue with the daily routine before going to the dentist (to have a print of my teeth taken and a mouth guard made...apparently I've modified my canines and molars ever so slightly through grinding my teeth so my dentist jumped into action to save them) and I actually feel human again. I nearly made the mistake of taking a shower and washing my hair before leaving the house today, which would have been a baaaad move as it's a very chilly morning, my hair never dries all the way and I'm only just recovering this damned cold. I can't stand up for too long as I'm still a little weak, but I can think as clearly as a blue day sky.

Which is terrific as that now gives me a week to recover fully for the interview I have on Thursday next week.
Ooooh yes, I have an interview with a publishing company next week. I can't remember all the details, but if it's the one I think it is, it's very good.
However, I'm still going to keep job hunting in case this one turns out to be a dud...but fingers crossed.
I aimed to have a job before the year was out and looks like I'm a tiny step closer to that!

As subtle as a gust of wind in a cloud

2007-11-14T08:42:00.000-07:00

A curious thought struck me on the bus home the other day.

I was first led to think about this when I was looking at a Monty's restaurant. When you read what I write you'll wonder why...if you're still interested how I got from Monty's to this topic, I've written an explanation below.

Anyway..

Men have often felt thoroughly exasperated by the lack of obviousness demonstrated by the female gender when it comes to expressing emotional interest. Rather than come right out and tell the apple of their eye they're interested in pursuing their relationship further from the boundaries of friendship, they drop coy hints here and there, dropping tell tale comments and being as subtle as physically possible, not realising that their message isn't quite getting through to the male and simply entangling his already huge mass of confusion in regard to this woman ('does she actually like me? Or is she just being friendly? Am I going to be slapped if I make a move? She touched my arm. What does that mean?? Oooh she smiled...but then she smiled at him...)And today I think I've worked out why. During history (and I'm thinking mainly of the Victorian era...and generally any decade in which fans, strict clothing guidelines and society rules were followed), men and women communicated either via colleagues or through the simplest gestures over the dinning table, during the entertainment in the evening etc. I remember watching a program in which a group of five men and five women 'went back in time' to pick up a possible future spouse, but through the means of Victorian flirting. This meant men had to pick their mannerisms and words carefully so as not to offend the women and the woman looking after them and, what's most interesting, the women had to learn very specific movements to show their love interest....their interest...in love.I found it fascinating that the women had to learn how to move their fans in a certain way or place their hands on their lap in a particular movement to send across the correct message. Any other means of communication was considered inappropriate. The slightly tilt of a fan could send across a terribly incorrect message to the wrong man.
This is why I believe most women don't come straight out and tell their love interest that they are in fact interested. I believe that due to the centuries of being taught to be discreet and send signals across a room to an admirer has moved down through the years, despite the need to be discreet becoming more and more unnecessary. Which is why many women become extremely frustrated when their interest doesn't seem to quite catch on to the 'glance across the room and smile' image or when the wrong man catches the wrong signal. Which makes life extremely tough for both genders considering women seem to have developed an amazing talent for mixing the signals 'I like you as a friend' with 'I REALLY like you'.

I could of course be completely and utterly wrong about the whole thing, and talking through a dazzled view of things. But it's something interesting to think about.
Subtle flirting has been passed down through centuries...it's not our fault ....

Anyway, my explanation for the connection of Monty's restaurant to the above topic.
On the bus, I passed a Monty's and thought isn't it peculiar how there are two Monty's so close together in Ealing. I then had an image of two Indian men discussing the situation of having two Monty's based so close. To enable this, my brain went into automatic 'translation' mode and tried to assist me in imagining the whole conversation in their native language. Not knowing how to speak the language, my mind then pulled me back to my experiences of watching Indian films with my parents as a child and remembering how they sounded, which then led to me wondering, does the dialect still sound the way I heard it back then or did it change the same way the English language then (my subconscious automatically announcing that of course it changed)....which led me to wonder how the English language has changed so much, which would lead body language to change too? Which reminded me of the Victorian program I mentioned above......and...so forth.

My mind works in some very strange ways....it can sometimes be extremely entertaining.

Jobs a huntin' game

2007-11-13T09:29:00.000-07:00

I finally feel like I'm getting somewhere at last.

Since the end of the show, I've spent pretty much every day job hunting or writing (with the occasional couple of hours break for computer gaming just for de-stressing).
However, I've made sure that I spend at least 3 hours every day updating my cv for websites, searching every site possible for vacancies which somehow match briefly what I'm looking for, or applying to e-mails I receive (which I might add aren't really as good as what I find when I search online).
I've decided to give myself a bit of a break from job hunting/applying as I've gone for literally, EVERYTHING I can find and I want to give the websites a chance to change, as I'm starting to just repeat myself now and I don't like re-applying to jobs more than once...if they haven't contacted me already, then they won't.

However...the green light appears to be showing and the 13th is now turning into a very nifty number for me indeed.
Had an interview for a recruitment company today and it was most satisfactory.

I began the day in a panic, lying in a dozing state as Tom prepared to leave, was aware of him saying good bye, then woke in fright at 8.45 thinking I was late, but also thinking Tom was still around, so sat up calling out for him in confusion. Managed to drag myself out of bed to have a shower, but was forced to return a few minutes later as body couldn't physically handle being out of bed. 15 minutes later I was up and 'ready' for action. Have made mental note and verbal request to Tom to wake me in the morning. I can't afford to feel pants in the morning when I get a new job.

Got on the tube to go to my destination, only to realise by the time we'd reach White City, shock horror, there was a chance of me being late. ACK! This was a very good recruitment company, did NOT want to arrive late (would like to point out now there were delays on the train and taking alternative route would have cause further delay so not my fault).
Gave them a call just before the tube went underground and told them I was going to be late. They replied they'd see me in about ten minutes then? To which I responded positively, praying to everything that that would be the case and not the half an hour I was expecting.

It took me about 5 minutes extra to find the place as the building number was the same colour as the surrounding concrete so couldn't see it (and most media/publishing recruitment companies don't have big signs outside) and the people working around number 9 (I was looking for 7) had no idea.
Found it by fluke, then went in....exactly 10 minutes later as reported. Felt strangely chuffed.

Took the typing test (60-70 wpm I might add, thanks mum) and was congratulated on my speed, then spent an hour or so in conversation.
Two job opportunities arose. One for Penguin which looks bloody good (covering maternity leave for 6 months to a year...not permanent exactly, but looks extremely good on CV).
Second, working in another publishing company near the marketing department. Didn't sound bad at all.
Was told to forward he recruitment company a covering letter as I would send out if applying for any job myself rather than through an agency which they would send to the company and was told they'd forward me the details of the other job.

Later went for lunch with Tom at a very quaint little Italian place which we'd not been to before and though the service was a tad slow, the food was terrific.

Got home and found not just one message on my phone regarding a PA job I'd applied for, but two e-mails requesting further details from yours truly.
V. Pleased but will contact them tomorrow first thing as I'm now feeling very damned sleepy and know I won't do my best when I speak to them.

Anyway, time to zone out now and stare at the wall.

Thank you and good night....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

They're so sky high, I need glasses to see them!

2007-10-05T09:37:00.000-07:00

For a while now I've been hearing a variety of adverts on television and radio, advertising the tremendous costs of glasses these days and how this one particular shop doesn't take this piss with it's price.
I never understood the meaning behind that until recently. I always thought it was just a sales ploy; 'looky looky! They're more expensive then us! We give you a better deal...' etc

Until I went to buy a pair or two from my local opticians, who I last visited in 2005 and really liked because they actually managed to work my eyes out correctly, give me a terrific prescription AND a pair of glasses which have lasted until today.

The eye test was fine. I was impressed by the questions she asked and the system she used to test me (though I did go round and round in circles as my eyes would NOT behave and did what they wanted, not what I needed). I mentioned the possibility of getting two glasses (one for driving - transitions- and another for leaving at work) then the pair I have now could be used as spare.
And as much as I love these glasses, I fancy a change after 2, almost three years with the same style.
SO
I'm introduced to this guy who's going to help me, he shows me a couple, and slips in the idea of two for one (this is where things started to go a little funny as Tom noticed that the sales clerk said the sales was going to be going on for a few months and yet MAY end tomorrow....hmmmm). So we left the shop, had a think, and came back, me feeling rather excited at the prospect of getting new glasses, one which I could use whilst driving against the sun. At last!
After a few minutes, I selected the ones I definitly wanted, then sat down with another sales clerk, who began discussing prices with me. I'd like to point out that before we started talking, she went into a room on the side, and left me thinking. I was feeling great about the whole situation, then I was hit with a sense of unease. This kind of thing never goes that smoothly...but I put it down to pessimism on my part. Yes.....well.

I think this was the first time in my life I felt my wallet physically cry out in pain.
I was offered two glasses with the lenses and had it pointed out that it wasn't the glasses that were involved in the two for one scheme, it was the lenses, so I still had to pay the full price for each set of glasses, not what I was led to believe (well, THAT'S convenient, I thought to myself). She then goes on about the transition lenses and offers me a solution which I thought was somewhat pointless as rather than spend an extra few quid on this solution, I could just....wipe my glasses. I've never needed it before, I wouldn't need it now.

After adding everything together (the glasses, the lenses, the transition, the pointless solution etc), the total came to.......£600

I sat there for a few minutes absorbing this news. I then looked at her and said 'that's a little out of my price range (using a tone of voice which suggested my price range was miles away from this total)...I can't really look to pay that amount of money, so I may have to drop some of the offers'.
I also throw in that I've JUST paid my rent (hint hint saleswoman) so she takes it down to £333 (I'd like to add, she seems deteremined to keep the pointless solution and at least a tint on the glasses on the price).
How much exactly does this woman think I can afford for glasses after I've just paid my rent exactly? And still have spending money left over.
I tell her that it's still too much, so I'll just take one set of glasses and be done with it. No solution, no tinting...nothing. (Especially no to tinting, as that's somewhat pointless to what I was looking for)
She spends the next few minutes, I'm thinking, trying to confuse me, using words such as 'we'll throw in...' and 'you can have this free...' or 'you can pay a installment of cash over...'
I noticed she kept mentioning the solution and the tinting throughout. I watched her as she swallowed more and more frequently through the exchange, realising she was loosing the sale (which she lost on trying to pull money out of my the first moment)

No.
This is when I realise she's extremely keen for a sale, so will do anything to keep me in that chair and sign a form saying 'yes I will give you half my savings'
Tom was behind me at this time and I could feel his cynicism creeping forward.
In the end, I told her, I'm sorry but NO. I can't afford this. I'm going to have a 'think'. Bye bye.
So I paid the rest of the money for the eye test, then ran, discussing with Tom about approaching another opticians for my glasses.

If there's one thing I loathe it's being treated like a sucker and having people try and confuse money out of me. If I'm going to have someone suck the cash out of my wallet, I'd rather it be for something useful! Glasses, I've already got one at least.
I've had cases where the salesperson, notices my immenent departure and...lets...me..go. This, I promise, will get me back.
What makes me walk right out the door, not to return, is persists of 'I HAVE to keep this sale!'

Let that be a lesson to all sales people out there.

Ah how time flies...

2007-10-05T03:22:00.000-07:00

How time flies? No seriously...I've just come to terms with the fact that we're now in October and it's Christmas in a couple of months.

(Have just realised I've put the most depressing day time tv channel on...Must...go...change)

I admit it’s been a while since I updated, but truth is when so many things occur (a combination of too much or not enough), putting them together into neat, coherent paragraphs can be difficult. Especially when tired in the evening….or fed up from job hunting.

Besides, I really haven’t been in the right literary mood lately and I loathe writing updates on past events when I’m not in the right mood.

Now, however, I’ve finally pushed past that barrier so I’ll continue.

My excuse for not writing since God knows how long?

First I’d been feeling stressed about work and I wasn’t in the mood to grumble for every entry about how annoyed I was at things.

Second, when I left and started job hunting…that’s just not interesting. I would have written about LARP but that too had been frustrating me.

Third, starting this new job, I’m shattered when I get home from work (it’s surprising the effect of sitting at a computer for 8 hours having woken at 7 and not moving can be so tiring! I think it’s also the frustration of the tube journey: slow walkers, watching people shove themselves onto train, rudeness…etc)

All good things come in three’s so I’ll leave those at that.

Now the news.

As mentioned on Tom’s blog…Lauren, my new niece, is a few weeks old. And a delight. A head of fuzz and at the stage of just lying in a person’s arms, mewling occasionally. It was so sweet watching Tom hold the baby for the first time; watch her for a bit, then turn to me with a look of ‘what do I do now?’

As mentioned above, I’ve now got a new job…sort of.

I’m currently temping for a political magazine (bit of a topic leap from my last job) and I’m essentially doing work where it’s needed as a production assistant. I’ve described my jobs here as ‘hovering’ as it’s never certain when I’m meant to come in, what I’m doing etc until I’m told on the day, but I’ve been here since the end of August (29^th) and I’ve just now had an account set up for me whilst I work in this current position. Now, I’m working on the web side of production, but as today is my first day, there isn’t much to tell.

It seems now they’ve discovered my talent for office work, they’re reluctant to let me go. Not complaining!

Admittedly I’ve been tired in the morning waking up and actually getting up again, but the job is interesting so I don’t mind an awful lot it has to be said. Though I have started looking forward to the weekend’s again and spending time doing my own thing or seeing friends.

Today is the first day off this week (I don’t work on Fridays unless told otherwise and I slept pretty damn well)

Now we’re in October, larp season is reaching an end and the next Purple Theatre play is arising.

Last larp event, I’d reached a critical point with Sadira (I was growing bored and fed up and despite enjoying playing the character and not wanting to loose her, I didn’t know where she was going) I wanted to be involved with plot and grew extremely frustrated that I kept missing opportunities to do interesting things.

I have to admit, I’d grown to the point where I’d apprenticed myself to ‘Othem’ as he seemed massively involved in everything, I was beginning to feel I was a mere lap dog, following him around. And that was starting to bug me, as I prefer to think of Sadira as independent, not as Tom’s girlfriend just following him around at Larp.

So.

Mentioned this fact during the return trip from the last event and had people throw some reassuring words my way.

Got home and an idea struck me. I spoke it over with Tom and spoke to someone else, who consented so at Parliament this year, I’m putting into force. Though it does mean I’m going to have to develop my weapons practice skills and armour myself up.

I’m not stating what I’m doing on here, as I want to see people’s reactions at Larp when I go ahead, but it should be interesting. I’ll remain as Othem’s apprentice, as I’ve actually learnt some more incantation through him, but hopefully this will give me a name for myself.

Now Purple Theatre… I’m playing Elvira in Blithe Spirit (the first – dead – wife of the male lead). When I heard I was to play this part, I was shocked as I’d just auditioned for a giggle, but it seems I’m made a good impression as I was then given this part.

It’s great fun, but I can’t say it’s not a challenge. Noel Coward can be extremely confusing with his wording! Instead of saying something straightforward, he mixes words and adds others we’re not generally used to using.

I’m definitely looking forward to seeing the set though as it’s set in the 1970’s and everything meant to be fairly…animated.

It’s now 11.20, I’ve a day off. I have things to do!

To the batmobile, Robin!

Or….just….the car.

the pleasure / pain theory

2007-04-27T05:06:00.000-07:00

Woke up this morning feeling mildy in pain, but with an extreme feeling of self-satified smugness.
Firstly, had one of the other 'witches', Judith, over for rehearsal yesterday round ours, where Tom cooked (if a little battered) a very tasty omelette dish.
Discovered our flat is a tad too small for rehearsal space even with just the two of us moving about (Tom lying on the sofa reading out Nanny Ogg's lines), but became extremely smug when I realised that even after a day's work and having walked about 15 mins or so home from the station as buses yesterday were sheet so feeling shattered, I was completely off book with no problem.
Of course I was prompted once or twice by Tom and the last scene needs a lot of work as I haven't really looked at it yet. However, I managed to impress both of them with my knowledge of the script...having learnt practically everything in a week...yes...in a week I've learnt almost the full script (wow even I'm surprised by that). So I'm hoping to turn some heads and cause some impressions on Sunday at rehearsals. I'm also looking forward to the wig I'm having arranged as that should help me step into character even more.

Now secondly, the pain bit I mentioned at the beginning...I think I may have a mild case of Bruxism (grinding teeth and clamping jaws during sleep, causing facial discomfort and lack of sleep). Either that or I've let stress get the better of me. A part of me is kind of hoping it's Bruxism, because that can at least be dealt with...if it's stress, well, I find it tough to relax when I think I'm fine.
However, it's been getting stronger over time as last night (or early this morning) I drifted into a waking sleep when I came to a level of consciouness to find Tom prising my jaw apart with both hands and then sticking his finger between my teeth for a few seconds to prevent me from clamping them shut again. In my state, I ended up biting down softly on his finger, realising what had happened, sighing and relaxing my entire body to let him know I was ok, and promptly returning to sleep. However, since this has happened it's now dawned on me that I seem to be constantly with a tight jaw and when I wake up in the morning, I feel myself forcing my jaw to relax.

I may take two course of actions here...either call the dentist (or wait til the next appointment) and ask about a mouth guard or buy one online. However, I think I'd rather see my dentist about this first see what she says.
I should however, relax over the next week or so:
It's both Tom and I's 2 year anniversary tomorrow (yay!) so we'll be going either to Richmond for a stroll and lunch or going into central London and visiting a museum, depending on the weather. After that we've got a friend's birthday in the evening, so that should be fun. Then Sunday a rehearsal which I'm looking forward to (any thing which helps me practice is appreciated!)
Next week work work work, but then week after that show week which I've got booked off for holiday so I can relax then.
When we get back from that a week of work work work, then after that LARP! Woot!
I'm really going to enjoy the next few weeks!

Work and Wyrd Sisters ramblings

2007-04-25T05:20:00.001-07:00

I have just spent the most mind numbing hour on the phone taking down 257 messages from the answering machine. About a month ago, the company answering service went down and no one picked up on it until recently (technically I should I noticed, but I didn’t due to work load). So of course, people calling up for tickets, retail and general enquiries slowly started to load up. And when the phone was answered, we’d get some ratty comments.
I’ve had to stop for a break as my head was on the brink of a melt down. There’s only so many times you can hear ‘message left…at…9.34…a..m…on the 13th…April…2..00 and…7’ *apply date and time required* in one sitting.

On other news, although I’ve been working under one boss this past year or so, the company’s main Managing Director has returned for 4 months and there’s something strangely comforting about having the boss who you’re desperate to make a good impression on, smiles at you in a meeting and makes full eye contact with you, when she’s been trying to watch you out the corner of her eye so will instantly look away when you glance at her.
Of course I made a couple of mistakes when she first arrived back to work from maternity leave, but that was only out of an overload of nerves. I’ve done a couple of hundred things now to make up for that so I think I’m making headway.

And moving on:…lines are coming along nicely. Of course I’m not 100% confident YET as I’ve only had about a week or so with them, but I haven’t put the book down. I had been reading Terry P.’s A Hat Full of Sky and had been a few pages away from the finish when I put it down to start work on the script. The script has now become my travelling, lunch time and bed time read and Tom has done wonders going through them with me. I’m aiming off book this Sunday. The sooner I stop relying on the script, the sooner I’ll gain confidence for the show and be able to concentrate on characterisation. At the rate I’m going, hopefully that should be a safe goal. Please note, this isn’t ass kissing, this is nerves of ‘oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit just a little way before the show itself!!’

(there’s something strangely comical in looking at the spell check for the above sentence ‘Of course I’m not 100%...’ and having it read back ‘Of course I is not…’
Goes to show you can’t depend entirely on spell check as it can go Koboldy on you *larp reference*)

On top of that, due to show nerves steadily building (I think mainly because I’d like to rehearse more, but won’t have as many full cast rehearsals with everyone as I’d like), my appetite is going up which is a massive pain in the arse, mainly because I’m at work 8 hours everyday, I don’t get to snack as much as I’d like to. Usually I have some bread and butter or pull something out of the fridge whenever I like. At work I can’t. So the larper in me comes out and tries to keep me going until I have the lunch Tom makes everyday, then I buy a sandwich from the guy who comes round everyday. But it’s a bastard waiting until then. For those of you who don’t know the larp reference, when you’re at a large event with more than one faction, the most likely thing to happen when you’ve finally settled down for a burger after waiting for about 5 hours since breakfast is someone will scream, ‘Void gate!!’ and unless you want to miss out on the fun to have your food, you need to chew what you’ve eaten then go into battle. Usually there’s at least one person who says ‘you guys go, I’ll look after these’. You can never really allow yourself to get hungry at an event, or at least eat the second you get a chance. That’s why it’s a big bonus to carry around bars of snacks or packets of fruit etc.

However, more great news is that my new boss has given me the show week off. I hadn’t taken it off before as I figured I’d be ok working and having a couple of late nights with just a few lines. Now things have changed and after my nerves on Sunday, I realised if I’m going to be this tired after a rehearsal on Sunday, going to work, then doing tech and the show after is going to kill me.
This is yet another element which has started growing the seed of excitement towards the show inside me. I’m looking at the show as a bit of a holiday. I’m going to be away from work, sleeping in late, I’ll have time to actually do things until the evening when rehearsals/show begins so it’s great!
.
Anyway, I shall cease my scritchings as I think this is long enough and if I continue, scary things may ensue.

On wards and out.

Careful what you wish for...they can come true

2007-04-23T04:48:00.000-07:00

I think Friday I received possibly the best news I have in a very long time, something which actually made me jump up and down and squeal happily (bear in mind we were in a station and I’m a ‘who’s watching worrier’
I finish work, actually feeling relaxed due to being on top of everything. Of course, I still had things to do, but I couldn’t do them until Monday, so I was chirpy enough as it was.
I get to the station and see Tom leaning on a pillar waiting for me as usual. He tells me he has some news for me and as he puts my book away in his bag as it’s too big to put in my own and he knows I like having my hands free to hold onto the train and bus, I notice he’s smiling very smugly but trying desperately not to show it. For a flash of a moment, the briefest second, I knew what it was. However, I pushed it from my mind and waited til he’d finished as I’m usually wrong with those kind of things. This time however, I wasn’t.
He then turned to me and told me that the girl who’d previous being the lead female role had to drop out due to personal reasons and the director informed him that:
I am to play Magrat in Wyrd Sisters.
I had a ‘moments pause before I could move, yet they feel like years’ moment as I digested this, I checked he was being serious, then, feeling extremely light headed and thinking ‘I’m going to wake up at work and find I’ve gone insane aren’t I?’ I hugged him whilst jumping up and down and squealing. Naturally, after talking to Tom, I felt sympathy for the girl who had to drop out as I knew she’d been keen on the part, but that didn’t prevent me from being over the moon. From the moment I heard Purple was doing this play, I LONGED, with every fibre in my being to get that part. I waited for months until the auditions and read and re-read the script to familiarise myself with it, to accustom myself to the character. I remember, the first time I read the book I thought ‘if Purple ever does this show, I would love to play Magrat.’
When the girl they picked for the part walked into the room, my heart sank. She looked perfect for the part and I knew I’d lost it.
Although I’ve had fun at the rehearsals seeing the part I was so keen on being played by someone else was a little disheartening, but hell that’s theatre so I just swallowed feeling bummed out and tried to enjoy the show. She was a good actress, she did the part well, at least the play would have a good crew. And I enjoyed hanging out with mates and just watching my Larp friends have a great time in their parts.
To be told, when you’d settled into the part quite contentedly and you were ready to play the part allocated, that the part you were desperate for has suddenly come into availability again and you’re picked to play it…well, I grabbed the opportunity by the horns. I don’t think I’ve stopped tingling yet.
I have less than 2-3 weeks to learn the words…and this role isn’t a quiet one…and I’ve read on Tom’s blog it’s selling out.
Let’s just say, on Saturday, when we were doing a role-play event which Tom had written out, I did not put that script down. I read it and re-read it and wrote down the hard paragraphs to learn them properly and read it again, got the others to test me during breaks, until they turned round to me and forced me to put the book down for the sake of my sanity (‘you’re going to go crazy otherwise and it may effect the way you learn the words’). They could see I was getting tense and knew if I kept reading I would unsettle myself.

On Sunday, I was offered SO much support by the cast and crew. Everyone was lovely, offering me luck and telling me they were right behind me. Judith and Mandy who play the other witches told me if I ever needed anything not to hesitate to ask and they’d be there backing me up. End of act one run through and I was told I was doing well. As I’d been at every rehearsal, watching the directions and listening to the words, I was able to slip into the part fairly easily (of course there’s still some tweaking to do, but I had an idea of what I was doing).
One draw back is, I don’t have blond hair, so I’m going to wear a wig. I’ve been asked if I could dye my hair just for that show…..no. Point blank. I don’t like the thought of my hair going so light in reality. Wearing a wig, yes, but I don’t have the right complexion for dyed hair.
Mandy had bought a selection of blond wigs, but I just ended up looking like Marilyn Monroe on steroids having a really bad hair day, so after I noticed Mandy couldn’t keep a straight face when I was talking to her, I took it off.

So I’m about 40% there with the lines, and if I really put my mind to it I can do the accent (though I’ve noticed I can’t stop doing it when I’m imitating others or reading) but I’ve been told I need to be dimmer. I’m too ‘smart’ at the moment, so when performing or reading the script, I going to keep an image of the young woman who plays Bubbles in Ab Fab in my head as a reminder.

Although I’m bricking it, I’m so focused on learning the words, I’m sure I’ll be fine.
If I think of it in any other way, I’ll panic and I won’t be.

But I just want to say a huge thanks to those of you who’ve offered me so much support. I really appreciate the optimism everyone’s thrown my way. It’s helped!!

Anyway…on with the show

Roll on weekend!

2007-04-20T04:46:00.000-07:00

I’m starting to realise, I am in desperate need of a holiday. I’ve reached a stage where even though work is fine, the reception area is cleaner than it has been for a long time, I’m on top of my work load and my to do list has reduced from 20 items (half of which were priorities) to 5, not to mention I THINK my 3 bosses are happy with me (my line manager seems to be anyway and if she’s happy, that must mean they are too as she lets me know when the opposite is true), and I haven’t had too many crappy phone calls from annoying people, but I still feel like I’ve got the worry of the world on my shoulders.
I feel doubtful about things and I’ve started dreading going into work though I’ve no reason to. I hadn’t really realised this until my line manager rang up from the London Book Fair earlier this weekend to talk to my colleague, paused when talking to me and asked if I was ok. When I told her, yes I was ok, she said ‘I just ask as you sound a little stressed out’, something I hadn’t realised, until she mentioned it. I then told her the phones had been going none stop all day and she moved on. However, I have noticed that I’ve been more on the ball and nervy since my two extra bosses have arrived. There’s a surprise.
I really need to get away for at least a week (Larp in my view doesn’t count as a holiday as most the time you’re worrying for your life lol. Of course it’s lots of fun but it’s not a holiday). A proper holiday on a plane, somewhere hot and sunny where I can sit by a pool or a beach. A holiday where I’m forced not to think.
I need to do some research into this…As soon as I have something sorted, I can start relaxing knowing I have a getaway.

On another topic, I’ve entered stage two of my magazine. Finally pulled my finger out and contacted dad about pulling together a design for the front cover. I’ve got all the contributions, I’ve got the ideas, I know what I’m going to do when I have the design etc, but I just needed a front cover. So hopefully when we’ve pulled a few ideas together, I can go to a printer and get the prototype done. Then the distribution and interest gaining can begin.

I’ve just realised why I’m feeling just that little bit crabby today though I (thought) have no reason to:

Last night barely got a wink of sleep due to nose being completely blocked up. I went to sleep knowing I couldn’t breathe (had foolishly left my nasal spray *and life saver these days* at work). I’ve had a bit of a cold for a while these days and I’m starting to wonder if it’s actually very mild hay fever kicking in as we’re surrounded by trees and it’s not the usual congested head, my face it about to explode feeling.
Anyway so last night, although I slept, it was rather fitful as I wasn’t getting a good air supply, and was constantly aware of this. I’m now feeling drowsy and a bit meh.
However, having realised this, I’m now able to pull my act together and feel a little better.
I hate feeling crap without a reason.
I’m also happy because I saved myself about an hours worth of trouble today by completing something yesterday. If I hadn’t coded up some forms which I use today, then I would have wasted so much time. I can now use that time to do something my line manager asked me to do, without panicking. Marvellous!

On yet another topic: I’d like to state a hearty congratulations to Tom’s sister, Becky on her engagement to boyfriend James! Look forward to seeing you for a personal congrats!

Attack of the Tangerine women!

2007-03-29T09:16:00.000-07:00

Has anyone else noticed that not only are there more self-tanning products/moisturisers coming out, but more orange skinned women are appearing on the streets (hmm spot the link). Several times this month I've noticed oranges in the shape of women going about their daily business. I'm not kidding. It seems women develop a particular keeness for the whole 'tanned before summer' look, but it doesn't occur to them you should only put on a certain amount, or 'take it off after a certain length of time (or whatever's done to achieve it) to leave a natural tan, before you drastically pass the 'nicely browned' stage....unless the products are meant to turn you that colour...in which case...yeesh.There's something unnerving about seeing a young woman with bright orange skin (not even tanned...ORANGE!) with pink lips and some bizarre shade of eye shadow to top it all off, looking as though she's worth a million dollars (or at least the £20 spent on the bottle).I would be lying if I said I hadn't been tempted to try a moisturiser with a hint of tan when I watched the first adverts which came out, just to give me a little more colour, as I'm fed up of seeing dull skin on my face day in day out (the only time I look healthy these days is if I do literally nothing the entire day, eat and sleep well then I start looking normal once again...but how often does that happen. I have a fair amount to do everyday)However, since seeing this new league of extradordinarily coloured women, it's really put me off.

I'll stick my natural face colour for a while, wait for the sun to come out then go Larping.

My 'Yearly' update...and Wyrd Sisters plug!!

2007-03-27T04:43:00.000-07:00

As I haven't posted in a while, I've realised now that although not much is happening at the moment, small, interesting things have been happening:

Things have been manic. Absolutely insane lately.
At work I've been innundated with duties, priorities over taking other priorities.
At the monthly meeting, when it was my turn to speak up, my boss mentioned she'd noticed me skipping around the office, doing this and that and taking about 5 seconds to sit down to get a breath before continuing...which was nice because it's good to know people have noticed that you're breaking your back for them
Yesterday I had my Line Manager (or the person who sits closest to me at the office, who I speak to the most) approached me and ask me if I was ok with the little jobs I had around the office. She then said, if I had too much on and I was struggling, they'd look into getting a freelancer in, someone who could help me out.
I was extremely tempted, but for the mean time I think I should be fine.

Played Sadira for the first time at the Winter Feast. Felt extremely bizarre and for a few moments I was uncomfortable not being able to approach the GTC (our unit) directly as we weren't meant to know them).
Finally found a loophole when Ju (playing Kate, Sadira's mum) said she had to give a bottle of water to one of the members who's a sea elf. We approached the table and I was struck by inspiration to flirt with members of the unit until I found a weak point and try and weasel my way on board a ship. There I found Sebastion (Andi) so sat my 17 year old character on his knee, introduced myself and after a fairly cheeky discussion (mainly from him) got myself a job on board his boat ('I've been on my mother's ship for a while now and I'm looking to spread my wings and gain my independance'...kind of thing).
I'm not entirely sure what I do on his ship, but we're in the group now.
Everyone was great, really helping Sadira and Kate into the group rather than making us work for it. Merrick the sea-elf (Dave) seemed to develop the wrong idea about Sadira calling her 'that kind of woman' to which I swiftly put him right saying 'my interests on Sebastion's ship are purely business. If he wishes to see things in a different light, he's more than welcome to, but my intentions are solely skill and experience based.'
Not sure how the rest of the conversation continued, but it ended with Merrick (and indeed myself) realising that Sadira is a lot more cunning and logical than first realised.
I came to see that Sadira knows what she wants. She knows how to get it and she knows how to go about avoiding negative reputation.
Not too bad...though I'm going to have to work on her a bit. It seems she likes to get away from me if I'm not paying attention. Sadira is a toddler which I have to keep a tight leash on...it's bizarre.
Tom and I seemed to avoid each other on purpose at this event. At one point, I found myself wondering over to him at the bar. Kate, a priestess and Sadira, strong magical skills, seemed to come across as two characters who analyse those around them. Fair enough, we're just entering a new faction we know nothing about...we wanted to make sure we made the right choice.
Sadira chose to use this skill on the one person in the unit she hadn't spoken to yet.
I went up to Othem and mentioned the fact that he seemed to have an aura of sadness around him. I offered my help, all the time fighting back the urge to cry, but on gentle refusal, I lent up to him and whispered 'she'll always be with you' then scappered before I burst into tears (the reason being he looked so depressed when he looked at me)
What really set me off was when Maverick (the Navy Admiral - Tony) started singing. He introduced the song by saying ' this is to remember those who left us: Maclan (the God King who'd done his time on earth and was returning to the Ancestors - all those completely clueless say 'huh?!?) and Narween.
Him saying my name next to the highest ranking person in the Dragons whilst in a room filled with both Dragons and other factions broke me completely.
I spent the rest of the song sitting with my head hidden in Kate's lap sobbing as she stood behind me, hiding me from the room.
After the song ended and I ran to the bathroom to pull myself together, Tony came up to me Out of Character (OC) and hugged me saying he hadn't realised I was there until he started and by then it was too late.
By the end of the night, I was a wreck, crying everytime I thought of Narween and how much I missed her, the fact that she'd blossomed so well and was struck down at the peak of her existance, when her name was known and she'd gained such confidence in herself.
What was lovely however was to learn how many people wanted to re-introduce themselves to Sadira. I had a variety of people either come up to me, or turn around when I was talking with someone else and say 'I don't believe we've met' or 'who the hell are you now?' (spot the navy/dwarves greeting)
However, I'm now looking forward to each event massively. I've got a great pair of trousers designed for LARP which were nice and cheap, I've got the layers I can wear without looking stupid, my new larp belt and a new system for keeping my hair out of my face (score!)
We're also taking a new group of people from Purple Theatre to Monster for the first event of the year which I'm looking forward to massively.

On another topic (mum look away as this'll make you ick), the...scapel I've been using for a year in this office finally got me. Before the panic over rides, I'm FINE :)
I was cutting a box which has been doing my head in for over 3 months, I had angled my arm so I knew where the thing would cut, but I looked up at the wrong moment and the scalpel slid completely another direction (something I wasn't prepared for as most boxes I've cut have been extremely sturdy so they keep the blade in one direction.)
I can already hear mum wincing, so I'll say quickly, it was nothing major. I cut the tip of my finger and was forced to go to a colleague for help (I couldn't apply the wrap to my own finger). Admittedly I did feel a little faint as I ran it under a tap and she prepared the things (this also made us realise how crap the first aid kit is), but that's only because my body was reacting with 'Oh GOD what've you done!' My Line Manager then brought common sense slamming back by saying 'You're not going to die from a small cut so don't worry'.
My fingers now a bit tender of course, but it's healing up nicely. Though I can tell you it brought my back down to earth with a bump. My head had been spinning from the duties I had to perform around the office, job after job hitting me over the head, so the accident brought me back with a jolt. Though my level of awareness whilst using the scalpel (which was already up to 100%) is now being pushed up another 20%. It hurt...I've no intention of it happening again.

Anyway, best be signing off now as it's nearing the end of my lunch break.

One final thing however, for those of you who want to see me act a bloke in a play within a play, and Tom's creation as Assistant Director come to life, then visit:

http://www.purpletheatre.org.uk/

for ticket information. The more people the merrier. Bring yourselves, bring friends, bring relatives, bring the neighbour and his dog...(equivalent to everything and the kitchen sink)

It's going to be a great laugh as all performers are enjoying themselves massively and a performance enjoyed by the cast is a performance enjoyed by the audience...

Go...NOW!

Soon to be Mrs....

2007-01-08T05:26:00.000-07:00

On Saturday 6th January 2007, Tom and I got engaged.

The week started out by his hyping me up about my gift, but constantly keeping me guessing. Due to the tiniest signs, I had a small incline, but I didn't actually let myself think it at the time in case I was completely off the mark. He did very well in making me wonder, but not giving away enough to make me realise. The morning was spent tidying up the flat, ensuring all the decorations were down and the entire flat (esp. the living room) was spotless. Tom was especially ensuring everything was shiny, but I just took this as his wanting the flat to be tidy for my birthday so we could enjoy it without the complete state.I had kept making comments on the fact that he seemed happier than usual and he simply replied with 'I'm on holiday with my baby and we're spending time together, of course I'm happy...' and left it at that.Finally, the evening came and we went out to Richmond for a meal (I was driven by Tom as he wanted to take me out properly), and we went to eat. I picked the restaurant specifically because I knew it was a quiet one, the decor is subtly European (chequered cafe table cloths etc) and we know the food is good. I didn't want anything too chaotic. So it was a fantastic little meal. We finished the meal and went out for a walk. I tried determinedly to find Richmond Hill so we could sit for a while and look at the city lights over the river as it would have been a beautiful view on the clear day. However, for some reason it seemed to evade us and we couldn't find it ANYWHERE! For some reason I didn’t think to ask…but it was a lovely walk, and we felt both full from the good food and relaxed from the walk.We got home and I, being me, resorted to little girl mode and started asking about my gift. I was then ushered into go into the bedroom whilst he prepared the living room. I then had to stand in the hall as he retrieved the gift from the bedroom. Keeping my eyes closed, I was ushered into the living room, where I already felt by the change in atmosphere that the lights were off but candles were lit and that’s when my heart began to race. With my eyes still closed, Tom tells me he loves me, asks if I love him and will do for a while yet. A brief but affectionate cuddle later and (still with my eyes closed) he goes to turn on the stereo....Never a Word...the song which he played so often in the first few weeks of us dating thus making it our song, which made me tearful, was played. My lip begins to tremble. I'm told to open my eyes and as soon as I do, he goes down on one knee and I start sobbing like a little girl. He asks me to marry him and it actually took me a couple of minutes to respond because 1) I couldn't physically see him through the tears and was trying to wipe them from my face so I could take this moment in visually and 2) I was thinking 'ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod' (another reason I was in such a state was because I knew if he ever proposed, he would do so the way he did, so it took me by shock, when he re-enacted what had been going through my mind recently, movement for movement).I then realised after about a minute I had to say something as he was still waiting, so I mumbled a nearly incoherent yes making sure he knew what’d I’d said by nodding, the ring was put on (both of us praying it would fit and it does….as though it were in fact made for me…good guess!) and we spent the next half an hour to an hour, hugging, dancing to the music and talking about what was going to happen and what was going through our minds.
We spent the rest of the evening, before sleeping, sitting on the sofa discussing pretty much everything and listening to the rest of the disc.

*Sigh* So yes…We’re officially engaged! we’re looking to have a longish engagement to give us time to arrange things and mainly to help it sink in (it really hasn’t yet).
So far we’ve received a vast amount of congratulations (inc. work colleagues, family, friends etc) which is wonderful.
Is all for now…I could have written the above a lot better but, head still feeling fairly over whelmed at the moment but wanted to write something, so will sign off here.
For photos of the ring (and the happy couple) they can be found on www.tomhbrand.blogspot.com
Unfortunately, for some reason we couldn’t quite get a good one of the ring (about 20 photos were taken), so the photo and the lighting in the photo doesn’t do the ring justice. I keep looking at it and feeling fuzzy inside!

Anyway, thank you for the congratulations! ...More update to come as things progress!

Bring on 2007!

2007-01-03T10:13:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in a while...for that I admit guilty.
It is scary how quickly 2006 shot passed. So much happened in so little time. I think Xmas was the first time I actually shut off in the entire year. I ended up asking my Sister-in-law Emma when she, Pablo and Saskia were around if it was really Xmas eve about 5 times on the day because I simply couldn't believe it. I completely lost track of the days at my parents house, which my mum commented was a very good thing because it meant I was allowing myself to chill out for once.

It has been a great year. So much has happened and I finally feel like I've settled into a little comfortable rut that I can stay in for a little while longer until I feel the need to change things. But hey, we'll see what the future brings.

Xmas was lovely. Very VERY relaxing. I couldn't believe how quickly the week passed as I did nothing the entire time. I kept being accused of being boring by certain siblings when I was particularly quiet, but I was just enjoying the quiet (which I now find curious considering we had a three year old in the house. She was truly wonderful, so playful and a delight to be around).
Sharing Christmas with the family was a lovely as it was so nice being with them for a time. Of course I missed Tom, but the 5 days really did fly by.
I got a great little batch of gifts which I'm currently enjoying so thank you to everyone for those!

New Years was cool too. I ended up dozing off on the sofa at 2ish after we celebrated at Midnight (we went up to Coventry to see a group of friends and crash) because I was so relaxed. Woke up a couple of minutes later in complete shock when people started moving around and the host had to spend a couple of minutes telling me to relax as I looked so taken aback at the sudden movement. We were served extremely well by both hosts who had to be ordered to sit down and take it easy as they'd done everything and started apologising when there was no more food left for us after they plied us with who knows how much!

So a new year and a new start...well I say a new start, but not much has changed really, though I'm feeling nicely comfortable at the moment. I've got a few habits I'd like to change, but I say that every year
Starting work again was a huge shock. I'd had 1 week off to relax but the shock of waking at 7 rather than my usual 10 was too much and by 3 on Tuesday I had a headache for the books! I couldn't face going home on my own so I waited until 5.30, pre-warned Tom before I met him and was looked after as soon as we got home. I felt so bad. Fortunately with his looking after, I soon picked up (after spending an hour with ice against my head, a few pills and Family Guy as a distraction from the pain).
But yes....Birthday this Sunday. Tom's taking me out to Richmond on Saturday and he's already been hyping me up about going out so I've been having to keep myself under control because if I get too excited, the day won't come soon enough and I'll get impatient. So really looking forward to that.

Apart from that, there's really nothing much to mention on here. I'm currently working on a story, which is progressing fairly well. When I've developed enough, I'll be posting it on here. I also have a picture I'm working on which will go on here.

Ah yes, I understand that some people can't comment on my Blog. I've had a look at the settings and everything looks ok so it's worth trying again to see what happens.

Anyway, a very happy 2007 for those I haven't told yet and I wish you all the very best for the year!

Sweeney Todd Photos

2006-12-06T05:53:00.000-07:00

http://www.megamango.co.uk/pics/

For those who couldn't see the show, find backstage, after show meal, and rehearsal photos.

Unsurprisingly they're under 'Sweeney Todd'

work, rehearsal, work, show, show, sleeeeeeep

2006-11-21T06:02:00.000-07:00

*Enter stage left, girl with extremely tired look on her face. She sits and just stares into middle distance. There's no way to get a response out of her unless it involves doing something in the performance or poking her*

That was me yesterday...of course not on the stage itself, but backstage during tech/dress rehearsal.

I am so tired. Admittedly I'm feeling MUCH more human today than I did yesterday (I nearly passed out about 10 times at work and almost couldn't handle blinking, because closing my eyes for a second meant risking falling asleep) and I couldn't go home as I had a few things needed to be done which HAD to be done yesterday.
Waking at 7 after having gone to bed at 12 is EVIL, especially when you know you can't go to bed early that evening and you're going to wake at 7 again the next day. However I've been running around sorting out stuff at work, so I don't have that extra worry on my mind as I'm nearly up to date with everything

I have to confess, I'm now a little relieved I didn't get a main role. My brain bleeds enough with the tune/rhythm having to be kept up by the chorus. We all believe now that Sondheim didn't like the cast very much when he wrote it. Sounds great when it works but BLOODY HELL! If you miss a tiny rhythm catching up is like running after a terrified horse.
So anyway, this week started hectic. Sunday was the get-in (seeing the theatre for the first time) and we didn't leave until 11 (though I got the impression we would have left later, had the Director not come in and said 'everyone you've worked hard now go home and sleep' as the DA started giving little talks), meaning Tom and I didn't get home til 12 and as we were already shattered from rehearsals, the need to sleep until 9 was tampered by having to wake at 7 the next day. I woke up thinking 'oh it's fine I'll go to bed early toni...oh no wait...damn'. It was another 12 bedtime for us. Bear in mind this was AFTER work and AFTER rehearsals. By the end of Monday, I was completely zombified and having to be extremely careful not to snap at those who pissed me off. I ended up making my way to the hall where no one was back stage with Tom following me wondering was what up, to which I burst into tears. I was so exhausted and couldn't face going to work the next day. I needed to sleep. Fortunately, that little cry and Tom hugging me and refusing to let go helped me out a little and I was able to pull myself together. The rest of the evening was spent either staring into space or rehearsing.
Oh yes and just to mention, I've been told I look like a womble in my lunatic outfit. Short hair and a dirty sack apparently are an interesting look for me. I can emphasise the character even more by hunching and doing exactly what mum hates me doing with my posture. I knew that would come in handy some point!
Needless to say I would now like to say a HUGE thank you to Tom for having thought ahead about food and making stew for us to sample before we leave for rehearsals. Otherswise we would die at around 8. So a big pot of stew awaits us everyday when we get back from work. Admittedly the stew part was my idea as it's choddy so contains everything to give us a healthy meal, but the food part was his :)

Woke up today, feeling....a little more human. I have a headache which is haunting the back of my head, but I have tablets in case it decides to pounce.
Many people have taken the day off for the next few show days as going into work THEN doing the play, may very well kill us. Luckily, my boss is wonderful and let me use my last two days of holiday on Thursday on Friday so COME ON LIE IN!! And as tomorrow is the opening of the show, I've asked if I can leave work early, to which she said I could leave at 12.30 (usually it's 1 that people are meant to leave, but she said in my case...). So it'll be home to sleep for an hour. God that's going to be welcome.

But anyway, the play itself is great fun, the stage is terrific and the people doing it all enjoy themselves so we work well as a team. Of course there's still the occasional struggle with words but...dude...this is Sondheim. Singing his songs is like trying to pull out a thorn out of a finger whilst on a crashing truck. However as the hardest bit is not knowing the lines, but remembering which go where like a puzzle, it's worked on.

Anyway, show days begin tomorrow so...onwards and out!

Update

2006-11-13T03:36:00.000-07:00

I haven't updated my blog in a good while, I know. But there's good reason for this. First work. I'm currently innundated with stuff I HAVE to do by the end of November. On top of that I have to answer the phone and e-mails which are none stop. On top of that I keep getting colleagues coming up to me asking me to do things which I have to do at that moment as they can't and it's urgent.
Ok work shouldn't stop me from updating, but it does when I come home feeling absolutely shattered, not wanting to do anything, when there's a load of things i do need to be doing at home (not essential, but have to be done at some point).
Now these next couple of weeks are going to be manic. Sweeney Todd is coming to an end in a couple of weeks. We've got mid-week rehearsals coming up and the get-in (seeing the theatre for the first time) on Sunday next week, then dress, tech and final rehearsals THEN the show in two weeks.
I've taken Thursday and Friday for off for the show, or I'll may die from feeling so tired. I've enjoyed these rehearsals and looking forward to the show itself, but unfortunately because of rehearsals I'll be missing Saskia's third birthday celebration. I can now see my mum's reaction...yes..i know
On the same day they're having the 'adult' celebration for Saskia, there's the rehearsal from 10am til 10.30-11pm which Tom and I can't miss unless we want to mess things up for everyone. We made up for it a little by babysitting the other day, but still it's a huge shame we can't go. However, these next couple of weeks are going to be exhausting and I can't wait until the year is over. Everything's manic.

However, the next play I'm looking forward to immensely. It's Weird Sisters by Terry Pratchet and I'm crossing every digit in hope that I have a chance at getting Magrat (the youngest, slightly ditzy witch). However, even if I don't, I may be in the postcard advertising it which is awesome for me. Auditions are in Feb and I'm really looking forward to them.

On some other random topics, I've had an old college 'buddy' contact me via friends reunited, wanting to meet up. I wouldn't mind meeting up to see if she's changed but I'm also a little reluctant as she messed me around a little in college. In the second year I was her 'convenience friend', the person she turned to when no one else was around. However, I'm willing to give her chance to see if she's changed, but I'm not going to be tagged along like I was last time.

Typhoo's extremely happy to have Tom and I there. She won't stop following us when we're at home and accepts any cuddles we give her hungrily. I get the impression she's not happy with being left for 8 hour straight everyday. But then we make up for it but making dinner, then sitting in front of the TV for a few hours before bed, whilst pampering her (I've had to clean Tom off a few times as his shirts have become fur coats)
Oh we also hugely appreciate having an iron and I may invest in one for the future.

So apart from manic work, tiring rehearsals, not much else is happening.

Oh one last thing, Tom and I went to see Borat on Wednesday. It's so offensive it's hysterical. The things he says/does are so ridiculous they CAN'T be taken seriously, which is why it astonished me the way people reacted to him. If you saw someone like him in London you'd think him a street act!
At certain scenes Tom and I were trying desperately to climb into the upholstry of the cinema chairs whilst tears of laughter poured down our faces. It makes Curb your Enthusiasm seem like a news reel. It's the epitamy of absudity and it's unbelievable he can get away with it without being arrested or put in hospital.

It's a truly funny film, not to be seen if offense it taken easily, but as I said, he's so extreme, it can't not be seen as a joke.

Poem for Narween

2006-10-16T09:17:00.000-07:00

You know...it's strange. Narween was a made up character. She was a fictional person I created to be the odd weekend a month, to be crew with other members of LARP.

But when she died, I felt almost the same loss I felt when my nan died. It took me a good few minutes to stop crying when I left the battle and I had to really bite my lip when telling people she'd gone. Tom's reaction when I left the battle field, telling him Narween was dead...I'm sorry... made it harder for me yet to accept her death and at the muster circle, I'd gained enough control of myself to sit there and listen to what people had to say, but when the God King (the man in charge) told everyone to shout the names of those who had been killd in combat, and everyone in the GTC said Narween and the commander of the Navy reacted in shock, I dissolved and struggled yet another 10 minutes to pull myself together.
At home, the boards were read by Tom and I, and on reading that Narween had had a ship dedicated to her (Othem to be her captain) I couldn't hold back the tears.

On coming back to work, I visited Tom's blog and started to read the narrative he put down for the battle. Everything was going well until I came to the world 'Then I found Narween's body'......god...I just fell to pieces. Had to leave my desk for a few minutes to pull myself together.

Several months have passed since the Gathering and I suddenly came across a poem I'd written when I read those words above. I re-read the words and was overwhelmed with emotion. For a fictional character.

I'm going to be a complete mess at the winter Feast and watching Tom's 'Othem' in mourning over her loss. My new character is meant to be fairly chipper....but it's not going to be easy to begin with.

Anyway...here's the poem I wrote. It's not terrific but it's the closest I've come to writing something whilst feeling fairly raw emotion, so I thought it'd be a bit wrong to work on it. It's what I felt at that moment (btw Mune and Stavlan are two character who died before me in a similar yet slightly smaller battle):

I start the day anew,
I open up the box,
My eyes enjoy the narrative down,
And I see those terrible words
Then I found Narween’s body

…..

It strikes a cord,
I feel myself go dumb
At first it was just a factual thing
But now it’s set in stone

A part of me has died
An area deep within me
I still hear Othem’s angst
As his one true love is dead

Tears, they fall
From pallid features
I hear the music as it plays on
A tribute to the fallen
As at winter they will mourn

Good bye Mune
Good bye Stavlan
Good bye Narween too
You served us with all your strengths.
You will be missed
You were always loved
But now at last your end has come

Greet those you meet up there in Heaven
And prepare them for our entrance
For all those who currently live down there below
will join you
In that ever lasting kingdom

And......Relax.......

2006-10-11T04:28:00.000-07:00

This past month or so..has...been...manic. Completely insane. I haven't had the chance to sit down and think without it being about work.
Went to America and stayed for 5 days in a gorgeous plush Four Season's Hotel where the room was as big as our flat and the bathroom itself was as big as our living room. It was HUGE. The staff were extremely courteous, genuinely, not 'I'm getting paid for this' and the houses of the company managers were IDYLIC!
What blew was getting a cold on the second or third day there so instead of being able to sleep and relax to try and combat it, I was enduring a painful throat, dizziness and runny/blocked nose everytime we went to a presentation or party.
One morning, when everyone was hungover from partying the night before, I was feeling the worst due to not having slept a wink all night, getting up and blowing my nose which wasn't just running but partaking in a marathon, leaving me feeling like if I so much as turned my head it would fall off....and we had another posh party in the evening....gads.
Finally, it all reached a head when the last evening, we were meant to be going to the founders house for a party and I physically couldn't go. My joints were in pain and my head felt raw. So whilst everyone else was getting ready, I had a shower, ordered a magnificent meal from room service, and watched 3 films before going to bed at 8 feeling a tiny bit better having had the chance to relax without pressure of having to get ready.
Next day (the day we had to leave) I felt better than I had that entire week. The food, rest and lemsip helped by miles and the size of my breakfast was commented on by one of the South African company members: You MUST be feeling better...my God.
(pancake with syrup, roast potatoes, bacon bits and a selection of fruit...it was goooooood)

So apart from feeling like rubbish, I had a relatively good time, enjoying the sun and being fascinated by the people I was surrounded by (many blondes and at least 3 million dollars worth of face lifts in the hotel itself. I was also reminded why the US love big cars. You can't get any where without one and the roads are HUGE!

The flight back wasn't bad, the films were good, and being back in England, seeing Mum who was great enough to pick me up from the airport and reuniting with Tom was wonderful. On returning to work, the normal schedule resumed, with the impending book signing hanging over my head. This had me Terrified!
I'd organised trains and such for others but I'd never had to sort it out for myself and as I was already innundated with other duties I had more to worry myself about.
I actually forgot I had to book my own ticket until 4 days before hand as I'm so accustomed to receiving e-mails telling me 'please book this at this time returning on blah blah'. This time, however, no one reminded me.
Anyway, chaos ahoy invading my mind, I got things sorted, the ticket costing a little more than I anticipated, but I got it.
The day of the book signing, I felt sick. I was so freaked out at the prospect of spending so long with an author I'd barely spoken to for five minutes I actually didn't feel well, I was so stressed.
I was in uber organised mode, making sure I had everything: addresses, contact numbers, names etc (I had a dream that I'd forgotten my tickets when we arrived at the station...that certainly put a bug in my butt about remembering them!)
The taxi arrived. I set myself to carer mode, got in, collected the author and arrived at Euston an hour early. Not bad but a bit of a pain. Thinking about it though, the time passed very quickly. I was told by the author that I was a lot more organised than one of my predecessor's who'd wanted to buy the tickets 10 minutes before the train they HAD to leave, forcing him to insist he bought them on the train on the way there. I suddenly felt very efficient!
We arrived and it was all go. It went like clockwork. It honestly couldn't have worked better if I wanted it to. Of course there were a couple of times he had to subtly let me know what I should be doing as this was my first time, but I reacted quickly enough so it worked. When it ended, we managed to get a train a lot earlier than I had booked for which was terrific as it meant getting home at 12 rather than 1 in the morning. The book shop owner had wanted us to stay until 10. we had to get back to London that evening...was he having a laugh?
the Author and I had a brilliant laugh on the train, making up jokes and laughing about previous experiences etc. We were joking about the fact that although you get some very level headed people who believe in the spiritual side of the world and understand about certain elements of the world, there's always someone who has to go that little bit further and make others worry. We developed our own private joke, by saying, we were sure one day we would receive a letter or a call from someone saying they were channeling a can of beans and this can would tell them what they had to do to make the world a better place (the next day he came into the office and with a wave of his hand in my direction said 'may the beans be with you' launching me into a fit of laughter much to the confusion of the office).
We dropped him off at his place, I then had another half hour conversation with the taxi driver as we got home (I think I've picked up the family nack for talking to taxi drivers) and I got home to find Tom still awake. I took of my coat and...collapsed. It was all over. The only things I had to worry about were my daily duties and the little odd jobs I had around the office. No more terrified worry about things going wrong to think about for a long time now!
The lead weight I had on my shoulders just disintegrated and fell away.
I'm a little annoyed to say, I think I lost weight from the time we were waiting to travel to America to now (mum pointed out the other day that I seemed thinner and more stressed. Thats probably because I was...big time). However, now I have less to think/worry about I can get myself back on track, concentrate on happier things and just relax. I'm feeling shattered now of course, but at least I can feel tired without thinking 'damn it I've got this in two weeks'.

In conclusion, after a manic month or so.....all is well. the steaming kettle has been taken off the stove and it's cooling....

(I apologise for the slight intenseness of this entry and the somewhat unstructured writing, but I'm still feeling quite drawn from everything)

Narween's fate

2006-08-30T05:24:00.000-07:00

Well.....Narween's gone. Skull crushed in by the void demons at the final battle, after having been surrounded. This weekend...has definitly been...one hell of an event.
I could have been saved had the sodding healers who appeared after I'd been shivved up helped me and not completely ignored me as they helped everyone BUT me, but that wasn't the case. I think it was after they left and roughly ten minutes passed, that a ref came up and said 'right whoever's on -1 (which is unconscious and slowly bleeding to death)...you're dead'. It didn't quite dawn on me until later that the entire time I'd walked around on the field later, I'd practically been a spectral effect.
When Cole (another Dragon member who I'd got to know quite well) saw me and said 'oh thank god you're alive, I thought we'd lost you' it felt so very wrong. I didn't feel like I was meant to be there.

What happened:
We were in the final battle, and for some reason (I couldn't work out what on earth was happening most the time) a large bunch of us were seperated to the other side of the field. I'm wondering around, feeling a mite bored as people hovered around trying to create a loose shield wall and preparing for action.
I suddenly hear a scream, spin round and scream myself as i see a good 20 blue faced void demons approaching us. I tried desperatly to get behind the shields as I'm completely defenceless and there was no chance me surviving an attack on my person. Caroline had tried to help me by pulling me back behind the shield, yelling at me to get back, but unfortunately there had been someone behind me at the time, who pushed the other way as he fought demons too, so I was left in the line of fire.
I watched as a demon picked off a guy two people down, then the man next to me, then I felt the staff come down on my head and the words 'enchanted crush' was called and I knew I was a goner. I had no armour and unless I was healed up within the next ten minutes, I was dead (I was so glad he was one of the lads clever enough to hold his blows. There were 10 concussions that event due to people getting stupid and having to be banned and I could have been one of the clobbered ones. Fortunatly this guy knew his limits...even if he hadn't I had the good fortune of landing next to a first aider who was determined to make sure I was ok and kept asking me about my health so I had to reassure him I was fine)
After that, people around me were picked up, the ref gave the call and I struggled to my feet, confused.
After speaking with other people, I realised in my heart that I wasn't meant to be there. I spoke to Tom who tried to desperatly convince me that I could work something out and stay alive, but I couldn't. I would have severely regretted it if I hadn't stayed down as my character was dead. He became slightly tearful as he told me Othem couldn't be without Narween (thus making it harder for me to leave bless him) but in the end we hugged whilst the battle continued to rage around us, we said goodbye and I left with tears streaming down my face to greet another member of our faction, who I'd befriended over the last few months.
I met up with Tom later as he left the battle field and he looked so forlorn.
Everyone took Narween's death in shock. Even people who I didn't think were that bothered about Narween were upset for me. I was extremely flattered by the amount of people I had come up to me and offer me a place in their unit as I'm apparently an extremely good role player. I even had an offer to join one of the most renown groups in the Dragons. But I had to refuse kindly as the GTC is my role playing unit and my LARP home.
However, one memeber of the Dragon Faction truly honoured me by announcing on the boards online that a ship would be created in my name (Narween's Sacrifice) and Tom's character Othem was to be her captain.
I was in a very good mood on Tuesday after having relaxed and slept well, but that rendered me to tears. There will also be a wake for Narween at the Winter Feast which will also have me in tears.

But never the less I'm happy with the way Narween went. I was shivved by a demon, in the last battle, on the last day.....I'd have been extremely annoyed if it'd been from a tiny fight or by a thief or something. In my opinion, Narween went with style.
I told Tom that Othem found my body as I didn't want to risk loosing Narween's sword etc, plus I think it's a more pleasant thought that he had the chance to put her to rest and see her body one last time, even if her head was a bit of a bloody mess. Narween had no chance of surviving that battle. Call it intuition, call it pessimism, but I knew from the start she wouldn't leave alive. I couldn't see Narween living for more than a year, although I had no plans to retire her.

However, I've got the opportunity to start anew now. I've had plenty of offers to join new units or to create new people along side others which I've been extremely flattered by! Didn't realise I'd/Narween'd made such an impact!
I'm thinking of joining a friend as her character's daughter as she did suggest it sometime ago and it's a very tempting idea. I'm also thinking of keeping the same stats I had before. I liked being a healer who could wield a sword.
Two things will be different though....first, I plan on being a bit more hard skinned. Narween was very soft hearted, so I may add a bit of grrr to my next character.
I'm not going to be making her Othem's other half instantly. I think it'd be interesting to see how things would go with Othem and the new girl.

I will finish off with I love days off...I would not have been able to go to work yesterday. Getting up at 7.30 by accident, and I felt like my head was about to unscrew!

Anyway...a little time will be given to the mourning of my lost character and then....here's to the next event.

I'm rubbish I admit it : )

2006-08-15T04:58:00.000-07:00

Ok...I have to admit I have noticed the HUGE lack of writing in my 'creative blog' these past few months.
The truth is, I don't usually think of stuff to put on here until I've read about the lack of updates comments on here and then all the pieces I have actually been working on suddenly come to me. So here's what to expect in the near future, when I get off my behind after work and actually do something about it:

1 - an upcoming occasion will inspire me to do something which I can add on here (this one does not apply to what I've been saying above, but I will put it on when I've completed it)
2- I've been working for a piece mainly for my own benefit as it's my LARP character, Narween's, back story which I've managed to enlarge into a short story. Not the most interested thing I've ever written, but it's been fun to write. I need to tidy it up though before I consider publishing it on here. May also put it up in installments depending on how long it is
3 - I know, I know...I thought up the title, I have the extracts, but I haven't yet started my new blog 'Nine to Fiver'. I will one day soon.

Anyway, I will try and finalise things tonight and do some writing instead of sitting down to watch TV. Things will be updated soon, I promise....

Title Change

2006-08-02T03:39:00.000-07:00

I was getting a tad fed up of people making faces or comments whenever I mentioned my blog (frankie's deviations) so I've adjusted the web address to www.frankiesquark2.blogspot.com. I also plan on sitting down one day and commencing work on Nine to Fiver, but truth is I've either had NO time or I'm too damned tired to do so. The only place I have the time and energy is at work and I don't think it's advisable to do so at work!

Anyway, sorry about the slight problems in getting through, but hopefully this should work now.
I'm also going to try and update a little more often, so we'll see how that goes.

Update

2006-07-25T07:09:00.000-07:00

I've noticed that I haven't put anything up for a long....long....long time so I thought I'd break the habit and update with a couple of details.

Ok

Had house warming on Saturday and have found that flat can fit 18 people quite comfortably. Had much fun and laughter (and ok I admit a little alchohol) and it lasted pretty much all weekend what with friends coming down on Friday, staying until Sunday. So yes, was lots of fun.

The house didn't end up too much a tip, as all our friends are very tidy and we kept cleaning up after ourselves (Tom and I taking turns to clean the kitchen whenever it got untidy). All in all, I think everyone had a really good time.
We learnt three things this weekend:

1: it is possible to have 18 people in the house and not turn the flat into a bombsite, maintaining enjoyment high, hosts included.
2: our neighbours aren't evil people who will complain about noise at stupid times in the evening when we're being like mice (we left up a note explaining but I don't think any neighbours were fussed)
3: I've now learnt that if I drink alchohol (not that much as I can't stand being ill, or passing out)...no matter how good I feel the day after, or how much water I drink and bread I eat, I will have a hang over TWO days later. I didn't even drink that much! So I drink on Saturday and the hangover hits on Monday as opposed to Sunday.
I had to go into work and forcibly keep myself awake as I could feel my eyes drooping. And I refused to want to go home as I was so annoyed I'd got a hangover at such a stupid day. I didn't even want to go home. I just kept thinking 'I should have had this on Sunday...I'll defy it, I will!!'
I genuinely DONT know how some people can go out drinking everynight.

I used to work with a girl in my previous job who would go out with any excuse. She was constantly with a hangover and I honestly don't know how she did it. I would much rather sit around laughing with mates sober than getting ('scuse the phrase) rat arsed and suffering a horrible headache everyday. I think my slightly lethargic behaviour was noticed at work, but everyone knew we'd had a gathering and I didn't make any comment about feeling ill or wanting to go home, so nothing was mentioned.
I've made up for anything I may have missed out on Monday (nothing serious, just stuff I could do in my own time) though by working insanely from 9.30 and tidying my desk up.

So yes, two more housewarming's coming up though they wont' be as intense and a Lord of the Rings evening which will consist of many people congregating at a large house, watching every extended version of Lotr all weekend.

On top of that, Tom and I have started looking to book a little holiday abroad. Just a small weekend in Spain or France (or maybe Italy) just to have a holiday away. I may consider going for a week if Tom has the time and money, but so far things are turning out to be a bit more than I expected so we'll be talking about that tonight.

Apart from that nothing much has been happening.
A new set of drawers was purchased in Ikea a week ago to make the room a little more habitable. The weather is killing Tom as it reaches the high 20s and low 30s whilst I waltz around like a purring kitten enjoying every bit of heat possible.
I'm getting closer to starting my new blog, but I want to sit down and work on it properly, so when I have one free hour or so when I'm not tired I'll set it up properly.
So yes, oh and on top of that Tom got the job he applied for which is a step up in Inflights which means next weeks night shifts is his LAST ONE! and his weekends are now officially going to be free...permanantly!
He was extremely happy yesterday! and we would have celebrated but we were both dead.
But yes, it's definitly been a good end of month.

No Longer Three to Twelve.

2006-07-08T02:59:00.000-07:00

EURIKA! BINGO! AND .... all those other words which means I'VE GOT IT! At long frickin' last.
It's Saturday morn...Tom's asleep so I'm watching tv enjoying the fact that I've been able to sleep in until 10 and not 7.00 as always.
I'm watching Digital...an office American sitcom is advertised and the song 'working 9 to 5...what a way to make a living'...comes on

That's IT! I've finally got the title for my blog. I'm thinking:

The Nine to Fiver

Let me know the thoughts. The sooner I get this blog happening, the happier I'll be.

I HATE thinking up titles...you think up a great thing, then you can't put it out there because you can't think what to name it.

I'm feeling about 32% our of 100 right now....

2006-06-19T05:08:00.000-07:00

.....so that's still alive, still breathing, able to do small tasks, but still feeling like something scrapped off the bottom of a barrel.
I understand that I haven't yet finished the last entry...but that's why I've started this one.
Let's just say..I'm not a picture of health.

Since Thursday, my gums, my wisdom teeth and my throat, have all conspired against me to torture me. My wisdom teeth are poking through, slowly and painfully, causing me every bit of physical discomfort possible.
Eating at my parents this weekend was torture as the food was absolutely gorgeous and throughout the weekend I felt an urge to snack, but too much pressure for too long, made me feel like I was being repeatedly punched in the jaw every bite I took. The only thing I could eat easily was my mum's vegetable soup which I ate with relish. No chewing there.
So on top of my wisdom teeth causing my gums to be in constant pain, my glands have now swollen twice their original size. My throat feels like I've swallowed razor blades and to cap it all off it's Monday, I'm at work, and I feel like absolute crap due to feeling slightly dizzy whenever I walk around. I refuse to take a day off as I've got Friday the 30th off already, but if I wake up one day and I can't make it, I'm not coming in. I need my rest. Hopefully this weekend should be ok as the move is nearly complete and although I think we have some plans, I can take it easy.

I think the general idea of this blog is to complain about how rubbish I feel right now. I'm praying that this is the peak of my crapness as I don't want to get any worse.
I HAVE PLANS! I don't want them spoilt because my immune system has failed me for the first time in Months!
It's possible it may have been stress too cos the move has been driving Tom and I nuts. Over 6 drives there and back and we STILL have things to take!

Urgh...anyway, I'm going to return to my sandwich. Fingers crossed for better health in the future.

My Dr Wayne Dyer Experience

2006-06-11T01:22:00.000-07:00

Working for my company, I get to go to speaker tours with famous authors. Yesterday, I met Wayne Dyer (not personally, but the seminar was based around him)

I woke up at 6.00 (something I resented as I need my weekends to sleep as I'm running off my feet all day at work and the weekend is the only time I get rest), got ready for work, grabbing my *shudder* flourecent pink work t-shirt. I can't stand the colour pink unless it's a soft pastel colour, but this one could light up dark rooms. Tom had a good laugh, but then I tried it on and he admitted it didn't look toooo bad. Anyway, it was only for one day.

So...I then get reminded by Tom who just walks in after a night-shift, that the Piccadillly line is closed or suspended in parts on the central line.
I grab my sandwich and make my way to the bus stop.
I get the Ealing Bdwy and JUST miss one of the trains going out. Arse! well never mind, they said we don't have to aim to be too early, so I'm not too fussed and sit down to read. Out the corner of my eye I can see people getting on the train, but I'm so absorbed in the book (Sourcery by Terry Pratchett...so much fun to read), it took me a good ten minutes to realise that something was a little weird in the carriage.
I look up and realise...I'm the only girl in the carriage and the rest are blokes. I felt like I'd got on the back of the wrong van and I was sitting in a police van filled with convicts. The reason being, they were all in complete silence and just staring blankly at the walls ahead.
Feeling a tad uneasy, I returned to my book, keeping my sub-conscious awake to the arrival of my station.

On arriving at the venue, and waiting for the others, I changed. They arrived and we begun to unpack. I blinked, looked around after 5 minutes and it was done.
Not bad.
I took the tickets at the door then mooched around a bit by the lobby where the small stall was until my boss told me I could go in a watch if I wanted to.
So I opened and went through the variety of doors which led to the room and walked in.
I was instantly hit. The only way to describe Wayne Dyers voice is the following; the man is wrapping you up in a vocal woolen blanket, with arms so strong you feel comforted and safe. The kind of arms you feel when being hugged by yours parents at the age of 6 after a nasty day.
It was amazing. He has a spectacular voice and is terrifically charismatic. I was spell bound. And he was charming the hell out of the audience, who were loving him. And this was all considering he was suffering a very bad back. My colleague had had to call out a chiropractor (is that the right word?) to fix him as he was in massive pain, but as about 500 people had bought tickets at 75 pounds each (with no refund), he couldn't very well not go on.
He told some terrific little anecdotes too, and made some fantastic jokes.
For the first break, it was OVERWELMING! I made my way behind the stalls as soon as I noticed people moving, and prepared myself....obviously not enough.

(I'm going to have to finish this later because although I went to sleep at 10.00 I had a very restless night from heat and extreme tired, so I'm going to go back and lie down for a bit)

Warning...Request...call it what you want

2006-06-02T04:46:00.000-07:00

I've just had to delete a comment from someone who visited my blog.
Unless I know you, or you've asked my permission, do not advertise on my Blog. If I wanted advertisments on it, I'd have placed them there myself.
I don't like the thought of people using my blog as an advertising billboard unless they have my permission. I'm sorry if that seems petty of me, but it's my own opinion. Please respect it.

So please...whoever placed that advert for aftershave on my comments, without asking me first; either ask me first or Don't Do It Again.

I have the power!!.....Apparently

2006-05-26T00:22:00.000-07:00

Working full time at a MBS (Mind, Body, Spirit) and self-help publishers, I am frequently encouraged to attend events which are held so I get a feel of what our company does. Fine by me. I encounter a few strange people, but then I LARP, so I take everything I hear with a pinch of salt.
Now...when I was very young, if my father ever suffered from musclar pains in the back and such, he'd tell me to put my hands over him, just for a few minutes. 2 minutes later his pain would be subdued and he'd feel that little bit better. I've always been told by him, I've got magic hands, something I used to love as a child as of course all children want to be made feel special.
As I said above, I LARP. Larping involves a lot of fighting in 'battlegrounds' or the odd monster that fancies giving us a little visit.
I can't fight for hell. I freak out when trying to hit other people (I physically can't) and I can't keep count of the hit points. So I opted for the easy solution to still enjoy Larping whilst everyone else fought.
I'd be a healer...I'd use my hands and cure people's ailments. Fine

Now yesterday, I was attending the MBS Festival in Victoria. I'd reach the site just before 11 and was going to be staying there until 7 so along the day, I was starting to become a little zonked. Nothing major happens; it basically involved sitting around, serving customers and going for the occasional walk so as not to fall into a pit of brain numbing. I was sitting by the til, looking a little fazed out when I feel a hand on my thigh (I was sitting on a high stool) and I turned to see this woman staring intently at me (thinking about it now, there was a very slight look of crazed in her eyes, but then that's probably just me being weird)...she looks me in the eyes and said 'have you considered Zeite' (I think that's what is was).
I had no idea what she was talking about. I thought it was some sort of Yoga as I may have been sitting badly, or some sort of de-stressing technique as I may have looked a little worn out.
I looked around at my colleague feeling completely bemused and asked the woman what it was. she said 'look it up, you'll see...you have the power. I could feel it coming through that wall and that's why I came round.'
(all I could think here was, you came to see the stall, saw me and thought 'sucker')
I felt completely lost and sat just looking around me as though I'd just woken up, knowing that everyone around me was 1) watching my reaction 2) smiling as I looked so confused and general 'eh??'
after she left, I looked at Jo, the woman I was working with and whispered 'what just happened?', she just shrugging in reply.
Then another lady, slightly smaller with a less manic look, came up to me grinning at my confusion and gave me a leaflet regarding the subject.

Apparently, it's some kind of form of healing, using the hands, over specific parts of the body and channeling that person's energy to heal them for the better.
I would be lying if I said I hadn't actually considered it, but then I looked at the price of the courses and figured spending £120 on the 1st degree course then spending a further £250 on another course so you can dedicate your life to it, although I like the thought of healing people, I figured, it'd be best to continue following the channel of life I'm taking now as it's....somewhat cheaper...and I don't really have to pay that much for it in one sitting.

Nice to think though that I picked a character who is purely a healer character in LARP and it's been suggested 'I can heal' in real life.
Shouldn't be too hard...as Terry Pratchett's books on witchery say 'it's all Headology'

A little something I've worked on...

2006-05-21T02:20:00.000-07:00

I started this piece after having read something on a website and developing a desire to have a go myself. I didn't think much of this when I first wrote it and left it, but having a Sunday to myself (when I say to myself, I mean having the living room to myself and everyone else asleep) I took the chance to read it again. I don't think I've finished it yet, but we'll see what I can do with it in the future.

Placing her hand on the cool metal of the bolted clasp on the front door and pulling back, Josefa felt the weight of the door as it swung open. The air was brisk, the sky was clear with slight hints of rain spattered across its perfection and the tree in the driveway had made pointless the five pounds her mother had spent the day before on cleaning the car, giving the metallic smooth surface, a red mosaic style look; pretty, but a huge inconvenience to when driving.
Smiling at the energy she felt rising within her as she stepped out into the cool sun, Josefa pulled the door to and her winter coat further around her small figure. She made her way to the front of the driveway and turned right towards the green round the corner from her home.
Although the day was clear, Josefa couldnÂt help thinking she wasnÂt built for this kind of chill and pulled the scarf in a neater, more protective fashion around her neck to prevent the sharp wind which had suddenly picked up sliding icy fingers through any possible gaps, reaching her throat and freezing her to the bone. She heard loud, coarse laughter and turned automatically to locate the source from the other side of the road. She couldnÂt help but watch as two mini skirt and short jacketed girls walked towards the bus stop, chattering both their gossip and teeth as another, just as sharp as the previous wind, picked up and fluttered their short cropped, pink skirts. She saw one girl instinctively pull her stylish yet thin fur rimmed coat further around her and raise her hood up over her bleached locks. Her friend seemed oblivious to the cold, Josefa guessing that a few fast food joints had helped in that department, as she continued to discuss the text messages she had received from Craig in an extra loud voice and whether she should see him again that evening or go with Jad, the bloke from the pub last night. Josefa shook her head in wonder and continued towards the green. She saw a man in his late thirties leaning against the wall in front of her with a peculiar look on his face, watching the girls, either leering or laughing at them. She couldnÂt ascertain. Probably both. As she walked past him, the smell of second hand smoke and too much aftershave hit her nostrils and she barely concealed a wince. She wasnÂt a big fan of aftershave in the first place, believing it to cover the true scent of the body. To her it was just camouflage of the true self next to the delicate smell of bathroom soaps and talcum powder as used when she was younger. She didnÂt mind aftershave, but there was a difference between a few drops and use of the entire bottle in one sitting.
She reciprocated the little attention they gave her and finally reached the Green. The grass vibrated juicily against the early afternoon, autumn sun. Taking a small moment for herself, she stopped and stood near one of the benches welded to the ground. She took in the golden brown of the leaves, some still stable, strong and triumphant on the trees, and others on the floor, fallen for the winter, having gracefully accepted that their time was up. She instinctively took a deep breath in and couldnÂt help the smile which crept across her lips. It smelt clean, refreshing and incredibly invigorating. She enjoyed the sensation of cleanliness in the air for a brief moment until a dragon like roar filled the air as the 65 bus pulled up next to the pedestrians waiting impatiently in the cold, the air next to her filling with the buses fumes and loud music being played from a phone, IPod or whatever as a young, solitary teenager emerged from the bus and made his way to the residential houses.
She continued on her way and a few minutes later was queuing for a ticket. As she reached the machine, and pulled out her purse, a young man approached her.
Âspare change for the train loveÂI only need 1 quid 20 pence more. I need to get one of these trains soon. Please?Â
She stood still for a moment, taking in his appearance. She tried to avoid giving money to people who requested it in the streets as she hated to think she was helping them slowly kill themselves with drugs and alcohol. She preferred to think she was giving it for a better cause. However, this gentleman had something different about him. She couldnÂt quite put her finger on it, but he seemed genuine. Finally, she rooted around in her purse, whilst he stood there singing her praise (Âoh thatÂs great love, thank you so muchÂ) and a little smiled crept along her lips as she watched him walk away towards another ticket machine slightly out of sight.
Having purchased her ticket, she crossed the station to the closest newsagents to purchase a newspaper. After a few minutes, she emerged, her head down, reading about the latest victim of societyÂs criminal issue.
ÂSpare change pleaseÂI only need 2 quid to get backÂand I have to get one of these next few trains or IÂm done.Â
She looked up in surprise and saw the young man, once again, begging for money from a business man who looked as if heÂd been wiped with something deeply unpleasant just through having this stranger talk to him. Seeing him from another point of view, as an onlooker herself, not the target, she suddenly noticed the drawn cheeks, the semi closed eyes of being unable to focus, and the very slight shaking of the hand he held out. Josefa bristled at the thought that should just assisted another man to reach his next shot, alcoholic disguise of the world or whatever the hell it was he needed to keep himself from going insane. She must have felt Âcaught in the momentÂ as the young man spoke to her, having always felt slightly nerved when a stranger spoke to her regarding money (possible effect of the media?) and gave him the money as an automatic action to rid herself of him. She had felt slightly more relived when he left. In truth, though, watching the Ârich man and the peasantÂ, Josefa wasnÂt sure who she felt more frustrated by: the beggar who desired assistance from his fellow man to help him get his next drug induced state or the snobbish business man who looked upon his fellow citizen as though he were worth less than the substance on the bottom of his Gucci loafers.
Unsure of how to regard the situation, she gave a small grunt and turned away from the view, making her way to the tube entrance.

The train rocked and swayed, forcing passengers aboard her dusky hulk to further adjust their footing and inconvenience others by treading on their personal space before being thrown across the train carriage and causing even worse problems. This was some train driverÂJosefa looked around at the dull, pallid expressions on everyoneÂs faces and forced herself to look at the most bright and attractive poster on the train (an insurance advertÂironic?) so as not to fall down into the depth of sullenness with the rest of her carriage companions.
The train heaved its way through the dark, dank tube line tunnels and the more experienced train passengers reinforced their grips on whatever they were holding as they felt the train heave under the pressure of slowing speed and trying not to overpass the mark on the rails.
With a great jolt, the train ceased all movement, causing many apologies to float through the air as passenger after passenger knocked into each other. After a particularly uncomfortable moment in which all stood in silence, the train doors strained open. Everyone jostled, trying to create a greater convenience for those getting off the train and for themselves once they had gone. Two more passengers came on; a mother and her baby, the mother demonstrating signs of delighted new parent taking baby for its daily travels, baby looking particularly satisfied at itÂs comfortable mobile chair, then slight mystification as to why there were suddenly so many people in front of it, looking at him with either great indifference or broody coos. Several seated passengers, suspecting what was expected of them, bowed their heads and avoided eye contact. One of the slightly more responsibly and kindly passengers stood aside and allowed mother to place baby pushchair into the corner against the glass for her and everyone elseÂs comfort. Another passenger offered her seat, allowing mother to take place in her now vacant place. The mother smiled softly and gave them her appreciation.
Josefa watched. A little smile playing on her lips, her heart warmed at the appearance of such a cuddly happy baby. As the train continued on its way, Josefa, along with one or two other passengers watched the baby with mild curiousity. The baby began making signals that only the mother could understand as she began to coo and reach into her bag. From there, Josefa was surprised and somewhat disturbed to witness a packet of puffy cheese crisps and a bottle of coke emerge. Josefa tried to convince herself, they must have been for the mother clearly. But no, the packet was opened and a large crisp was given to the baby, who took it in its chubby hands, gurgling in delight and instantly crammed the treat into his mouth. After that the mother assisted the baby in a quick sip of coke.
Josefa, unable to take any more looked in the other direction, but could still quite clearly hear the baby nibbling on the fatty, salty snack with great delight.

This is one huge silver lining!

2006-05-04T04:08:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was informed by Tom that the agency had called up and the landlord had agreed to everything we requested. After the deposit (which my parents have been great enough to lend me until I can pay them back...very very appreciated)has been put down, the place will be ours as of the 28th May. I nearly did Cowboy whoops around the green when walking back to my parents with Tom when he told me about the phone call from the agency. On top of that, today Tom tells me he's been given a raise. A small one but a raise never the less!! On top of THAT the weather has been absolutely clement, beautiful, sunny, barely a cloud in the sky...ok...what's going to go wrong is my next question.
I have to keep convincing myself and Tom occasionally, that the world isn't going to suddenly fall on our heads and just go topsy turvy in the next couple of months because everything's going so well for us.
The fact is, we've just done everything right til now and have to keep doing everything right.

But anyway, as I finished my last blog entry.....lets see what the future brings.

Update: So There is a light!

2006-05-02T04:36:00.000-07:00

In regarding the title, I refer to 'The light at the end of the tunnel' phrase.
This year (and a few months before) everything was going crazy. I had just finished uni, was looking desperately for the job I wanted and only going from one 'eh' job to another slightly more pants job. I'd been criticised (not madly, but people badgered me) because I left a very good job to enter oblivion of unemployment to search for something closer to my line of ideal work. After 1 month I went crazy looking for a job I wanted and surrended to the droll life of office/business/etc and began working at the solicitors.
I couldn't take more than a week. I only stayed two as the last week was so as not to leave them in the brink but I couldn't stay for longer. I was badgered for this too, but then I proved to others as to why I did it the next couple of weeks. I spent a couple of weeks more in oblivion...however, things, during that time, took an upturn. I applied to two creative/media agencies (to which I then found myself thinking 'why didn't I do this before??') and several varieties of Media jobs online inc publishing jobs. In one day, I received an e-mail asking me for an interview, then a call from the temp agency offering me a position for 2 weeks at a very prestigious advertising company. I took the temp job, informing them about the interview which they understood and began FINALLY working somewhere which would give me a foot hold into media.
I attend the interview, then a second interview. the next day I receive a call.
They don't care how many weeks notice I have to give before I leave the company I'm with...they want me.
I'M FINALLY WORKING IN PUBLISHING!!! It's a terrific little job, in a small company but I'll get paid so much more and it'll definitly be a boost for Tom and myself when we move (found the perfect place which will be cheaper for both of us). The content of which they publish is a little bizarre, but then I larp, so I can't really scoff.
It's strange. After 2 years of mental chaos, It's like driving out into the country: You step out of the car, take a deep breath and you're hit...by another car...no just kidding...you're hit by clean, soothing air, which fills your lungs and your mind with peace.
Yup...I'm finally there....but trust me...it weren't easy. I think the best way to describe how I felt whilst I was job hunting (and indeed house hunting) is you're climbing up a muddy bank...occasionally, you'll get a grip on something and it'll pull you up that little bit further, but then something out of your control happens and you slide down just a touch, but enough to make you feel like what you're doing is pointless and you should just give up and slide the rest of the way down. This is mostly regarding the job hunting than house hunting. God that was frustrating. But then you know, when you reach the top...it'll be worth it.

Speaking of house hunting; Tom and I thought we'd found the house we wanted. It was a little small, and the room wasn't entirely comfortable looking, but it was in our price range and vaguely what we wanted. Though I wasn't 100% happy with it and wanted to continue looking.
Unfortunately, when we spoke to the agency and asked them for a second viewing, we were told it had gone. A pity...but we still have time.
We, both of us and Caroline our housemate, went around another set of locations, mainly for Caroline so I could take some photos to show her partner and some further possibilities for Tom and I.
We saw various houses which were PERFECT, but I didn't want to say anything as they were Caroline's viewing not ours and she seemed to like them.
However, we then came across one just a little further from what we were looking for, just by Uxbridge road, and as soon as I saw it, I fell in love with it.
I think the fact that it was on the top floor (heat rises and I like to think I can work around not freezing to death even with heating on), with a large living room and the sun streamed into the bedroom with plenty of space for the computers won me over. When we were told it was cheaper than our present place and there was the posibility of saving money, I was desperate. If we had the money there and then, I would have put down an offer and taken it. However, I didn't want to take the place right from under Caroline if she was interested in it as we hadn't even considered this place to begin with.
I asked her what she thought and became extremely happy when I noticed her uncertainty at saying she liked it for herself, and my smile turned into a dorky grin when she said she prefered the others to this one. I explained why I asked and she responded that she was strongly considering the others and not to worry.
Now however, Tom and I need to make sure the landlord is fine with us moving in in June and not this month (which shouldn't be a problem as apparently the landlord wants to repaint and clean the place) and if they don't mind waiting until we can afford to put some money down for it, which we should be able to...just not yet.
I'm keeping every digit crossed in hope as the place is perfect. But we'll see.
The reason I've added this little bit is as an update and just as a note of; don't always settle for the first thing you see...always shop around and give yourself choice. Also, things happen for a reason. If Tom and I had taken that other place we wouldn't have found this one. So it was a good thing it had been taken from us.

I think the reason I wrote this huge entry is because the last few years of my life have been crazy, unorganised and general 'eh???' but now I finally feel like I'm getting myself on track, with a permanant job and new place on the horizon.
Let's see what the future brings

Minor rant of the year

2006-04-27T04:56:00.000-07:00

I say minor rant of the year as I've felt like this for a long time, but haven't felt a need to burst until I was provoked by it again today.
Is anyone else getting extremely fed up of seeing Keira Knightley on ab-so-lu-tely EVERYTHING.
She's everywhere...in all new films that come out which involve a young British girl, in posters, in magazines, on the television and the occasional reference to her on the internet. There are other aspiring young actresses out there who actually have talent (whenever I have brought up this opinion, I've had many people say 'who?'....does Natalie Portman no longer exist? The young oriental girl from Memoirs of a Geisha? The children in the past who have now grown up to be mature young adults?)
I have had one person mention the fact that I'm probably just jealous. No...I'm not jealous of her fame and I'm not jealous of her wealth. If I was, I'd be in a completely different line of work. The line of work I seek is to make people happy through literature and the arts and to encourage them to express themselves. I'm happy with the position I have in life now and I have all I need. So no, I'm not jealous...i'm just extremely bored of seeing the same pouty expression everywhere I look.
To me she is the equivalent of (and please excuse me for such a disgusting comparison) a very frequently used hanky. It's pretty when it's knew and fresh, but there's only so many times it can be used for it's purpose before it should be thrown away or at least put away so another one can be put up for the job, then possibly emerging after being aired a little.
I apologise for the heatedness (is that a word??) of this post on a blogto which it has absolutely no relevance, but on seeing her face on MSN after having been voted number 1 of 100 most beautiful women in FHM (says a lot really), I felt the urge to speak out.
Move aside, Knightley, for Pete's sake, and give others the chance to shine. Your bulbs already broken and you no longer glow!

Under Construction

2006-04-22T02:32:00.000-07:00

*Crackle* Tannoy Announcment *Crackle*
*A slightly muffled and just comprehensible voice emerges*
Ladies and Gentlemen, a new section will soon be introduced to the Frankie collection links on the right. It is currently under construction, so here is a message from the author to give you a briefing of what to expect.

*clears throat* Thank you. During my time working at a company which I won't mention, but many of you probably already know about, I met some intriguing people and had some interesting experiences.
As a writer, it's curious how a simple action or sentence can trigger the biggest inspiration had all month. During my time as a temp at this company, I had several of these moments, which is terrific as I often live in an inspirational mind block either because I don't have time to think of anything or because I haven't experienced anything interersting enough.
My family and Tom have always advised me to take my experiences and write about them; the people i meet, the places I go to, the things I see etc, but I've never encountered anything which has caused my creative mind to flow enough.
Until I started this temp job.
Dear God, after that the ideas didn't stop coming! Well, they did after a bit, but not until I had written a good deal.
I have produced few extracts taken from my experiences there and worked on them so they're a combination of fact and fiction (which is which I'll keep to myself :)as it makes it more interesting)
However, Tom suggested I create a blog soley for this new fictional (or is she?) person and treat her blog like a diary. So I will.
The title of the blog isn't coming to me easily, thus the delay, but as soon as I've thought of something, the site will be well on it's way in.
I plan on putting up a new extract every month or so (it takes time to write good stuff you see) so I thought I'd alert you all to the new comer. Not sure why, just felt like it.

Anyway, I'll do my best to put it up soon, but many of the stories still need trimming around the edges so I beg patience.

Thank you for your attention.

*end message*

One of my many weaknesses....

2006-04-22T02:24:00.000-07:00

And now for something completely different...

One of my main weaknesses...and I would have to say, the main one...is cute, fuzzy animals. Nothing like those pictures you see with the big eyes, and fuzz everywhere (think a less evil Happy Tree Friends). I mean the occasional kitten or puppy seen on tv, or the cat you happen to see in the street or dog tied up patiently awaiting the master outside a shop.
I've actually got a folder on my computer files which is packed full of tiny animals (yes, actual tiny animals) which I have seen on the internet and saved. They make me smile if I'm feeling a little down.

I was visiting a website and I came across these. I found them a little out of the ordinary, as that site usually deals with stupid jokes or funny images, but I couldn't resist taking these and putting them on here.

Tom don't even dare writing the words, 'mmm unprocessed pork'in a remark. Yes, I know you well lol

Emmanuelle Beart

2006-04-15T01:52:00.000-07:00

Emmanuelle Beart. I saw the picture in STYLE magazine which my parents receive every sunday with the newspaper and instantly wanted to take up the challenge. Beart has, I believe, very unique lips and eyes and I wanted to see if I could capture her in pencil.
I'm pretty proud of the result, but admittedly it could be better. It took me several hours, but it was worth it.

Forever Friends........no, not the bears.

2006-04-07T02:12:00.001-07:00

I found these photos on the computer and I couldn't resist putting them on. I warn you though...they may scare a little. Especially mine.
Laura and I have been mates for nearly 18 years now (bloody hell time flies)
We've been through thick and thin, torn apart, put back together, fought outrageously, but we're still closer than ever. She's the sister I never had and my personlity twin...yes together we scare the world and all sanity that hangs around it. I think we've both traumatised any guy we're with as soon as they meet us together. Our work here is done.
I think Laura is the only person I could have ever been for a walk with, suddently realising we were late for home, conviniently finding the worst, crappiest, most rickety bike hidden in a bush (it had no seat, the handle bars were dented and nearly gone and the wheels where either flat or none existant), and drive down the hill screaming 'GET OUT THE WAY!!' Crashing into every tree and in absolute hysterics making it even harder for her to drive it. God the looks we got were classic.

NOTE: Please don't look at the photo below Laura's until you've read the description above it. I think the effect is better that way :D

Now...get a webcam...point it at Laura and...with all the seriousness she can muster, she is guaranteed to grab the closest thing to her and use it to amuse. I had ribbons that day, she was in a particularly Lauraesq mood, I wasn't going to let the moment waste. From this day on...Laura was...the Present.

Now I may seem sweet, I may seem innocent, but take a saturday afternoon, two fairly random teens, put them together and point a webcam at them and automatically one of them will do this.

This became my trade mark face...EVERYTIME I had the chance, I would do this. I don't know why, I don't know where it came from, but I enjoyed doing it.
The reactions I get everytime someone sees this is fa-antastic. The truth is, I wouldn't do it for the reactions, I did it because I wanted to.
Laura if you're reading this....remember ..this................................... ................................DOI!

Now...it is a proven theory that no matter how many photos are taken of me...only 1 out of the 12 will come out well. The results always seem to be, boredom, incredibly drunk, or if someone shouts 'suprise' and I turn, very scared and worried.
I'm not entirely sure why I put this picture up..I think it's the look on Laura's face. We were at a mates birthday and another mate of mine was taking photos of Laura and I. I...being determined to get a good one, demanded that he take several until I was happy with the results (I get fed up of looking pants in photos). He took 6. This was possibly one of the best ones and I was just pulling a face to take the micky.

Take two girls to Wales, put them through an extremely bizarre night, put them in a field and allow them to spot a nice big pool of mud and water and they will automatically jump into it.
We had wellies on...the pool of mud and water called to us, we entered the poo, and much fun was had.

I think our mates were incredibly entertained by this, thus Harry catching it on his camera to immortalise the moment. I thank you sah!

All in all, nothing can beat the warm fuzziness of a good friendship. I think the best way I can describe it, when the times are good, is having a cup of creamy hot chocolate (mmm....*goes to look for milk*) which never goes cool, but if it does can be reheated. We've shared advice, we've helped each other out, we've been there for each other (which is hard considering she's been in Spain most her life and now in Birmingham)
Cheers mate, this ones for you....'lifts an imaginary glass of sherry'

Mother's Day Flowers

2006-03-28T11:45:00.000-07:00

I found that producing an image from my own mind and creativity is a lot more fun (and rewarding) then spending agonising hours trying to figure out which of the 1000 cards are best for my mum on Mother's Day.
This is what I gave her for Mother's Day 2006.
She liked it so I thought I'd share it with the world...well, the few who visit this site anyway.

Shameless Plugging time

2006-03-25T03:52:00.000-07:00

My family and my boyfriend also have blogs (slightly more developed than mine) so I thought I'd introduce their links in here as I haven't yet worked out how to put them on the side of this blog.

My father specialises in art and animation...he has about ten but here I believe is the main link: http://okgrillo.blogspot.com/

My brother is currently working his way through South America with his girlfriend and daughter, making his return in April 2006 (god time has flown). During his time away he has taken plenty of photos of his surroundings and posted them with the occasional comments:
http://www.chunkunkle.blogspot.com/

And lastly, Tom, my boyfriend, who uses his for random rants and comments on his life and the world in general:
http://www.tomhbrand.blogspot.com/

The only person who doesn't have a blog is mum...come on mum...let us know your thoughts!

EDIT: Mum's finally managed to come up with a cool idea for hers...find it at abuelerias.blogspot.com
Think of it as a thing of the past

Fae and Sprite

2006-03-25T03:44:00.000-07:00

This picture is fairly immature and basic, but there's a certain charm about it (I made it was I was a little younger) . I love fantasy. I love anything to do with Elves etc. Thus the Warcraft and LARPing.
This image I created as I'm constantly concentrating on the face (or eye) and nought else, so I thought it'd be a challenge to try a pose. When I decided to colour it on Photoshop, I decided to experiment with shading. There's a reason for this. I can't draw hands to save my life. If they come out just as I like them, they're too big for the body. So I cheat. I make the character hold a globe/orb, which I can then make light shine out of, thus covering the hand. As she was holding this aluminated object, I thought it would be a nifty chance to try out some shading and lighting. My style doesn't usually concentrate on Anime, but occasionally, I feel encouraged to try it.
I'm happy with the results.

Oh and that's meant to be a sprite climbing on to her hand, but I don't think you can see it clearly.
Possibly for the best....

Merielle

2006-03-25T03:38:00.000-07:00

I'm extremely fond of this picture. It was one of those occasions when I put my head down and just drew without stopping, became happy with the result, so coloured it on the computer and this was the outcome. Haven't done that in too long...no time.
It's an anime character from my dad's collection of Italian comics. As my dad's an animator (well, technically retired, but the old boy keeps on truckin' with work) he receives a lot of magazines through the post regarding animation, many of which he usually passes my way if he thinks I'll be interested in the content.
I saw this picture and admired the simplicity of it, so thought I'd try my hand at it. and this was the result.
The face is a little funky, but then with Anime, the easier it looks to draw, the harder it is. There are a few mistakes here and there, but apart from that, I feel it came out well enough to be liked. It's as close to the reference as I could get it.

Cutty Sark and the irrational Fear

2006-03-25T03:09:00.000-07:00

Whilst we're on the subject of fears....The one that absolutely rules my life, next to my fear of eyes being damaged, is boats. Not big steel boats like P&O, not little dingys, not row boats, but big f*** off (pardon my language) galleon boats like the Cutty Sark.
This...ship...terrifies me. I can't explain why. I can only say that whenever I see so much of a picture of it, my skin tenses and I have an urge to flinch then run.
I went for a walk with Tom a few months back around Central London and as we were walking near the Thames, I suddenly froze and couldn't physically relay to him why I was suddenly so frightened. He held me as he looked around, baffled and when he asked me, I responded best I could that it was the boat. I begged him to get me away from it as I couldn't take anymore and he had to turn my back to it and bury my face in his shoulders as he quickly figured out the best way to drag me out of there, and avoid taking me the wrong way so we'd have to come back past it again.
When looking up Universities, I had taken a day out with my mum to go see Greenwich University, without realising that it was smack bang, right next to good ol' Cutty Sark. The entire time we were there, all I could think about were the masts outside the window (just thinking about it makes my skin crawl). I couldn't go there, knowing the boat was there, I physically couldn't. Mum couldn't comprehend why I didn't want to go there, why a boat would prevent me, but the truth is, I'd be the same in her position. The best way to describe it to her would be, imagine every room except a few, had at least one wall covered in cockroaches and there was a threat one may fall on you. That's how I feel when it comes to boats. If cockroaches aren't your fear, any bug, animal whatever, that you're not a fan of.
One day, however, I braved my fear and, wanting to do something relatively cultural with my ex as opposed to sitting in and playing computer games on a beautiful spring day, I convinced myself to take him to Cutty Sark.
My legs wouldn't stop shaking the entire time I was there. Finally, when we were on the boat, I kept asking him 'is it me or it is moving? Swaying from side to side? Just barely noticably'
He looked at me and said, no that was just my legs going to jelly. And he took my arm to help me.
I thought doing something like that would combat my fear...but nope it's still here. I took a leaflet just as a little souvinear and when I turned it over, i showed an image of the boat in the dark with lights directed at it. I flinched violently and had to bin it.
Now I know that these boats are a master of creation. I know they are beautiful and contain amazing stories, but they still scare the shit out of me.
When I told my mate Harry, whilst we were sitting together in Pizza Hut remenising (I hadnt seen him in over 1 year as he now lives in Oz) he learnt of my fear and commented 'How the hell did you get that fear? Did a boat fall on you or something?'
I burst out laughing as it's true...a boat falling on me is the only logical reason for me having this fear. It's completely incomprehensible. I've never been on one that's sunk that's for sure....

And that brings us to my next fear...

Now the next thing to boats that scare me shitless, are...shipwrecks. Just saying the word makes me want to cry out. I can't bear them. They make me want to scream and run as far as possible. If I ever, ever get really stressed, I dream of being surrounded by galleons and shipwrecks and I wake up in a cold sweat, fearing sleep. Tom and I play a game called Warcraft. It's a game in which you choose a species (dwarf, elf, orc etc) and go on these missions throughout a land, making money, getting kit to make you stronger and if you have magic, developing those skills, and going up level by level 1-60)
Whilst playing warcraft, I'm happily swimming along the water, getting ready to kill some huge creatures for a mission and their skin (which can be made into clothes and sold). My computer doesn't have an amazing graphics card, so things tend to take time to load up. You can naturally imagine my reaction when I turned away to talk to someone, my finger still on the forward button and I look up to see a shipwreck. RIGHT in front of me.....Not a small one either.
Dear GOD in heaven it scared the CRAP out of me.
It took me about 5 minutes or so to gain the courage to go back to the computer, turn around and swim away from it. It then turned out there was a mission which involved me going INTO the boat itself...no wait TWO different shipwrecks to get some loot whilst fighting murlocs (fish men that can walk on land)....SCREW that, the mission never got done.
When I told my mate about the fear, she looked at me bizarrely (something which doesn't surprise me) and asked me if I believe in reincarnation. She said the way it sounds, in a past life, I may have died due to a galleon sinking. I think she said it as a joke, but honestly, sounds logical to me. If it doesn't, what other explanation can there be?? Oh apart from my fear of drowning....but that doesn't explain galleons.
I can quite happily go on boats, big ships like cruisers etc don't freak me out. It's solely Galleons.
And it's curious, you'd think living on land, a good few miles from water, I'd never see any. But oh, no, there are tons of references. Everywhere. It's a pain in the ass...but I live with it. I have to.

I was going to put an image of the Cutty Sark up, but the truth was, just thinking about turning on my blog to see it turns my leg to mush. I can't take simple images of it. If you'd like an idea of what I mean, go to a search engine, type in the name and click on image. Then press go. That's my fear. The one material thing in this world that makes me want to scream.

Door to the Soul

2006-03-25T02:53:00.000-07:00

Since youth, I've had a huge fear of blindness. If I see, read, hear about anything happening to someone's eye to damage it, I feel sick and faint. I've had people shout a warning at me if they forsee something happening or I became ill for the rest of the day. I've had so many films ruined for me because the villians decide to screw up the protagonist's eyes. I now sit there, with a 'blind' fear just hidden in the pit of my stomach any time I go see a film with the slightest bit of violence as I don't have the chance to escape easily to get some air without bothering people.
I put it down to a childhood experience which is still very clear in my mind. It's the only explanation (a little more explicable than my weird fear of gallions...I'm terrified of the Cutty Sark, one of the reasons I believe I couldn't face going to Greenwich University)

However, I also love eyes. I think they're the most expressive and beautiful part of the human facial features. I used to have so many crushes over the time due to developing a strong attraction to someone for their eyes even if they were ugly as sin.
The reason I'm saying all this is because of this picture I've put up. I'm not exactly sure why this picture promoted such a lengthy explanation, but it seemed right at the time.
I was extremely bored one day and had a desperate urge to draw something, but also had an intense artist block. But then I thought, screw it. What am I best at drawing. So I drew this eye. My parents worried about my brother and eye during our lives as we seemed to sketch eyes everywhere we had the chance, and whenever I go out to eat with friends and there are crayons, I start doodling to the comment 'and she's off' hehehe.
But yeah, I'm particularly proud of this eye. Never really got to finishing it as haven't had time and my Photoshop is bugged but hey. AT least I completed part of it.

A Painful Victory

2006-03-16T03:39:00.000-07:00

At uni, I took Creative Writing. In one of the modules, which I believe was to prepare us for the final project, we were told to write a story, then write a journal explaining the development of the story. At the time, I had a liking for bikes, and thought they'd make good descriptive material to write about.
I won't go into the history behind this story, and normally I wouldn't have put it on, but I came across it when looking the one of the files I have at home and thought I'd put it on. I think it's a little long, but it's a short story, so it shouldn't be too bad to read on here. By the way, I'm typing this as I read the story due to not being able to find it on the computer. Gives me the chance to improve my touch-typing and read it through!
Enjoy

(Just finished copying the story. I sincerely apologise for any mistakes, spelling grammar as I'm now dead. This was a tad harder and took a little longer than I expected. I'll look over it again later when my eyes stop seeing double

Edit Note: I've just gone through the story and sorted out the spelling mistakes which I have to admit, have left me a tad embarrased. I'll look over the story when I have more time and add/take bits away)

Note: The bits in brackets are meant to be in Italics, but I'm not entirely sure how to do that, so I thought I'd go for an easier option.
Enjoy

A Painful Victory

The cool wind streamed through the gap between the chin and the visor onto Julian's face as he twisted the throttle, felt the front wheel lift slightly, and watched the speedometer rise with a smooth movement to the double ton. His face cracked into a grin, as he smelt the fresh grass both side of him and he focused his exhilarated eyes on the path ahead. He lifted the visor further up and enjoyed the strangely gentle breeze on his hot cheeks, strange as riding a bike over 120 mph, he should have been forced against a rushing air stream and back down to a reasonable speed. Yet, the whole experience of gliding seemingly silently down the highway, soundless cheers emerging from the blurred features

(The beautiful painting surrounded him having been distorted to a barely recognisable view)

of the millions of spectators either side as he powered his way to the finish line gave him a deep sense of peace, almost as though he were flying. He took his eyes off the road for longer than should be done, to watch a beautiful bird fly around his head and down in front of his eyes, it's blue tail mimicking the same easy movement as the bike as it gently kissed the air. He took his hand off the throttle to touch it. It flitted

(an untouchable gleam of light, visible through the dust of a room, but impossible to grasp)

and opened its beak as though to sing him onto victory as the flags grew ever closer, welcoming him...

pip pip pip pip pip pip pipipipipipipip

(Urgh the unmanageable frustration)

Julian rolled over heavily, confusing his mind as seconds ago his body had been so light and graceful. He smacked his free hand on the black box which was beckoning, beckoning for him to please wake the hell up and get out of bed, his other wiping the heavy sleep from his eyes.
He heaved his structure out of bed, padded over to the bathroom, relieved himself

(Knt duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu dukudukuduku, the deep reflection of age. The rust could practically be heard on those pipes)

and looked at his reflection in the mirror against the condensation left by the previous user. Although his unshaven skin, ruffled hair and yawning mouth told one story, deep within his eyes there was another. There was a vigour and determination, which was only there at the best of times. The last time he had felt such excitement, he had finally been given the bike of his dreams, as a gift by everyone in his family for having done so well for himself. Now the excitement had been renewed as he was going to use his bike to its best advantage and push himself to get first in the races at the all-famous Santa Pod

(established in 1966, on an American base strip, on smooth runways where people from everywhere could bring their cars and bikes and use them to race against others. Known as only the most famous drag strip out of America, gaining strong interest from the best sport drivers around and team racers from European Drag Racing, also affectionately known as the POD, with over 35 events for everyone. A dream for any driver with a fast mind)

After a small breakfast of toast, having planned to eat lunch there

(Greasy burgers, the big man's fuel)

he left the house, opened the garage door with a light clunk and revealed the object of his affections, the light from the windows playing delicately on the handlebars, speedometer and seat. In his eyes, it was the equivalent of a beautiful breed of dog, holding a stick in its mouth, waiting patiently for its owner to take it to the dog shows and win the top prize.
He took a while to admire the two wheeled stunner in front of him, including the exhaust pipe, he had recently purchased, after a particularly bad night on the road,

('Weather warning for today as gale force winds will be widespread making their way through the whole of Southern England and up to Scotland. Rain will also be high on the scales so it is advisable that no one should attempt any motor journeys throughout the evening for safety precautions')

as a treat. He had bought the exhaust as a gift of thanks to his bike for not having screwed up and left him in the shit that night. It was a top of the range splendour with a hole so large, he had made the house's windows shake when he gave a test rev. Almost like the perfecting touch, it had the eyes of a tiger emblazed onto the side of it,

(the predator; spoke for the looks, the speed and oh god the noise)

giving it a harsh grace. It had cost a bit, but it had been worth it. But wasn't as though he had anyone special in his life that he could spent it on, so he made the most of it on his bike.

('F*** everything, I've always got my bike'
Ogri...the man)

He smiled as he lugged on his biking gear and slowly sidled the bike out of the garage. He sat atop the machine, gently revving it so as not to damage the cold engine so early in the day. Hearing the revs, his father emerged from the house.
- you're right mate? How's it going?
- Like a charm. Could not be better
His father lifted his eyes to the heavens and Julian smiled as he could sense the time old phrase, which would fall from his mouth, as was traditional when either were about to embark on a bike ride.
- Looks like rain. Weather channel didn't look best pleasing
Julian responded by lifting his helmeted head to the sky, just enough so it could filter in through over his helmet.
- could be, but I've got my waterproofs on and if these wheels can move in a blizzard, they sure as hell can start in a bit of rain. Shouldn't ruin the fun though. If it rains, people won't race, but at least there'll be some meet. If it doesn't, get the bonus of the races.
- Think you might race too?
Julian felt his heart skip with excitement as he remembered the...

(the whole experience of gliding seemingly silently down the highway, millions of people either side, silent cheers emerging from their blurred features as he powered his way to the finish line gave him a deep sense of peace, almost as though he were flying)

he hasn't set his mind firm on racing, but the idea had been so enticing, such a temptation to try out his new exhaust, to set the floor a-flames with the lusty sound, he had filled out the form and taken the money out of the bank just in case.
- If weather permits then yeh. Don't see why not.
his father gave a small lopsided smile
- Yeah...well...just take care and give us a bell when you get there
Julian gave his dad a strong nod and a sly wink. He pulled out of the driveway, aimed his bike at the end of the road, gave a final salute to his dad and pulled away, the revs causing a few neighbours to come out and see which beast had just emerged into their street.
Champion.

* * *

His foot rested heavily on the pedal as he dismounted. Removing his helmet, he saw a young girl looking over at him. There were other girls around who were either stepping off their own bikes, or were just standing around with their companions, but this girl in particular caught his eye. Standing on her own, Julian couldn't work out if she was alone or if she had come on her own bike and in that case, which was her's?

(green eyes glinting coyly, light auburn hair waving gently in the breeze, skin clear as a beach pebble)

She caught him looking at her and blushed a light rose, her eyes immediately falling to the ground. His heart rate quickened and he smiled. She lifted her eyes back to him and smiled shyly when she saw his.
He jumped as he felt his phone go off and searched his pockets. A text.

(Call or txt me wen u get this m8. bit worried. seem 2b takin ur time. mums startin 2 do her nut)

(rrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrr rrrrrrrr rrrr...hello?)
- dad it's me. Just got here
(What took you so long? Was expecting a call at least half an hour ago)
- Yeah sorry, traffic was a bit intense. There's so many bikes here. It's sick.
(Ok...well, take care alright? And enjoy yourself. Oh and if you race, only do it if the conditions are good ok mate?)
- Don't worry dad, I’ll be fine. I'll give you a call before I get back home ok? Talk to you later.
(Ok...bye)

Julian flicked his phone off and looked up again to find the girl gone. He looked around, but she was nowhere in sight. Comforting himself in the knowledge that she may see him race later, he wandered off to the building to give in his application form.

- That's one nifty bike you have there
Julian looked up having dismounted his bike and met the grey eyes of a man in his fifties whose bright eyes told quite a different story.

(You're only as old as the person within)

- That was an intense race...

(It was a close one, a very close one: the final race of tonight between the GSXR13 and the ZX12R will confirm the winner)

- Cheers mate, Hayabusa GSXR13, yet to let me down
- You done this kind of thing before?
the grey eyes roamed admiringly over the petrol tank and gleaming engine of the freshly polished bike.
- Nope, I'm a junior
There was a nod of appreciation
- You'll get far...you have potential. I like how you handled your bike just then.

(May the force be with you young Julian, he said placing a hand on the young man's shoulder)

Julian grinned with pride
- Cheers mate
- Did you see who you were racing just now?
- No idea...looked like a chick though...too skinny for a bloke...weird...not many do race
- Not badly skilled though
- Not half
There was a brief pause, then
- I run a school up on the A406, on the north circular near the Ace Cafe. I think you'd excel a great deal more if you joined. Just gives tips and lessons on how to use your bike to its advantage. The 3rd Level up from a CBT and you'll get a certificate of proof, which will allow your insurance to come down. Fancy it?
- Sounds fantastic! Definitely
- right then, what's your number?
Julian gave it to him.
- Perfect...I'm gonna grab a cuppa. Good luck in the final. I'll be watching you...
a wink was given and he wandered off.
Julian watched his stout figure moving then turned as he felt someone approach him
- You were impressive just now...
Julian's heart leapt as he saw the young girls fingers glide respectfully over the bike's handlebars as she inspected the object.

(Long auburn hair, coy eyes...)

- I...er...thanks
- You nervous about the final?
Julian gave a shrug and chuckled, then stopped himself before he sound too conceited.
- A bit, but that's only cos this is my first time and besides nerves are the best thing for the race, gets your heart going and your adrenaline pumping so you ride harder.
The girl smiled, bringing a blush to his cheeks. Seeing him blush, her smile became softer and fonder.
- I'm Julian by the way, from West London
he held out his hand, saw the glove then removed it. She took his hand and shook
- My name is Rea, but I make everyone call me Pepa, after my middle name Philippe and I'm from everywhere

(the sea may have a beginning, but who knows where it may end)

Julian frowned in response and tilted his head enquiringly

- I come from Cordoba. Well, I was born in Buenos Aires, but due to political strife, my family have moved a lot. I myself like to travel so I've travelled most of South America and Europe and I've ended up here. I may move onto Africa to see my friend there and do some travelling

(the heart leapt and the stomach dropped despondently...Please don't go)

but we'll see. After all my family are scattered pretty much everywhere so it makes no difference where I land. Every where is home for me.
- But you have such a clean English accent. The only hint that you're not from here is your appearance.
- I left my home when I was fairly young with my brother Paulo. He stayed in Venezuela, but I couldn't keep still and continued to move around. England is the only country I've settled in long enough as I tired of travelling for a while. So I guess I've picked up the accent. Plus everywhere you go, you study English, so in times that I've studied, I've picked up more there.
Julian nodded as he listened finding it incredible that such a vulnerable looking girl could do so much in her life, so young. Then it hit him. He had been wondering what had been so recognisable about the driver who had raced against him. He looked at her attire.
- Hang on, did I just come close call with you?
She grinned and nodded
- Jesus you were brilliant. It's you who I've got to race against now right?
- You sound surprised...don't think a girl could do as well as you?
- God no...no that's not what I meant, it's just...dunno, I've never ridden against a girl before...

(especially one I feel I want to spend the rest of my life with...)

- How long have you been riding for?
- How do you think I made my way around the world?
- You rode your way around the world? Mother of God, you've lived my dream
Rea giggled at his reaction and look at her watch.
- Anyway, I have to go so I'll see you at the final ok? May the best man win...
- Or girl.
he smiled softly at her. she returned it and strolled off.

***

Julian turned his helmet to his right, his eyes greeted by Rea's blue and purple helmet. He flicked up his visor before they prepared their wheels for the race.
- Rea
she turned
- Nervous?
Julian felt her eyes bore into his as she deciphered the emotions in her heart.
- I have been driving much of my life. I should be laughing inside at how easy this will be, and yet I'm in deep anticipation of how this race will turn out...for both of us.
Julian felt his heart go strangely warm.
- Well, good luck to you Rea
- And to you too.
Flicking down his visor, Julian inched his bike forward, squeezing his front brake on and let his bike rip. He could feel his bike swaying as the burnout worked its way throughout the tire, preheating it to maintain the best performance throughout the race. He tensed his legs, forcing the bike under his control and subdued the gentle swaying. The smell of burning rubber slipped under his helmet as he heard Rea performing the same task on her ZX12R. He looked ahead as he slowly let out his breaks and swallowed instinctively as he saw the tire marks of previous more experienced riders in front of him, legends that had made their mark in the biking world.
Feeling the rhythm of his heart slowly increase the same way the speedometer had done in his dream, he made his way back. He glanced across again at Rea, but was unable to see her face as she concentrated on getting her bike up to the line. He gave the throttle a few soft jolts as he pushed his way to the starting mark.
Looking out of the corner of his eye, he saw the 'Christmas Lights' announcing

(amber)
(amber)

he arrived at the marking

then

(amber)

(ambergreen)

and they were off....

Julian's 0.2 reaction time gave him a strong start
Rea slowly catching up to him
Julian's Predator making the owner proud by giving the bike some assistance in speed.

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion as the race continued with

Rea,
then Julian
Rea slowly closing in
Julian just out reaching her
Whilst Rea demonstrated her biking skills
Both bikers Julian and
Rea making the tension unbearable for the crowd as they drew head to head in the last few metres

Then

A loud bang seemed to fill the air, seconds before Julian reached the victory line.
Filled with a sense of exhilaration, which only lasted a few seconds, he turned his bike sharply to see where Rea was, as she should have appeared in his line of sight after he went over the line.
His stomach fell
His lungs seemed to stop working and his head began to spin

"Ambulance!"

Paramedics covered the area where Rea was meant to be

(ants swarming an injured or dying prey, to take it back to their cavern in the ground and)

Julian leapt on his bike and made his way to the area milling with officials, unable to swallow the bolus that seemed to cover his windpipe.
No one seemed to hear him
Or see him
He pushed his way to the front where Rea was lying, but the female paramedic blocked him

- what's wrong with her?? What happened?? Someone tell me!?
- She had an accident just second before you crossed the line...an oil line burst spraying oil onto the hot engine and the rear wheel, which as you know causes the bike end to loose control, so she was forced to lay the bike down, preventing the wheel from slipping and she was sent along the floor into the wall. I think her leg and arm are broken and she knocked her head. She'll be aright son; she could have been a lot worse.
Julian turned and saw the grey eyes again, sorrow filling his own eyes.
- It looked a lot worse than I'm sure it actually is. Hang on.
he pushed through the paramedics who were now preparing to lift Rea into an ambulance on the stretcher
- Can this lad talk to her? I think he befriended her before the race and he's pretty messed up. He needs to see she's ok
The paramedic looked over at Julian
- ok but remember she may not make too much sense. She’s had a nasty bump and worse.

(The stinging tears, the burning in the throat and the rising heat in the face, only when he had been a kid had he felt like that when his grandfather had died

- hey...
Rea opened her eyes through the pain, her small face just visible through the mask
- Hey...you won...well done
Julian gulped a laugh
- But we both would have if this hadn't...
silence
- I may be going back to my country
he nodded
silence
he looked into her eyes and saw her trying to speak to him urgently through them

(contact me...look me up...find me...)

Julian could see her mouth moving and leaned in

(Rodriguez...Rea Philippe Rodriguez...)

Julian nodded and took her hand
- I'll find you
she laughed
- you're so sweet...Uurgh!
- Ok ok that's enough chit chat; we have to get this girl to a hospital

they lifted Rea waist height and prepared to board her into the ambulance
- I want to go with her...please let me go with her
he felt a strong hand on his shoulder and prepared himself to wrestle against a burly policeman, but turned round to see grey eyes again
-l let her go, son and go home. Look her up if she means so much to you ok? Right now she needs rest and family.

Julian closed his eyes. When he opened them again, the ambulance was making its way out of the gates ahead and turning right in the direction of the hospital.
- Get yourself home, mate, and get some rest. You'll need it. They'll contact you about the result of this race. And remember, don't give up on her.

That night Julian lay in bed listening to the silence that filled his room. He felt a change within. His parents didn't know what had happened, neither did his brother, but first thing tomorrow he would find out every detail he could of Rea, knowing if she wanted him to get into contact, she would leave him a trail of bread crumbs...
Finally, exhausted he turned over and closed his eyes to accept the sleep he had so stubbornly refused...

(He was in the race again, the breeze blowing through his visor the speedometer rising and his motor purring like a kitten. He looked around him, the thousands of faceless spectators cheering on either side of him and...
And on the sidelines he saw her...cheering him on...filling him with pride...and love...her eyes filled with hope, her hair flowing gently and her voice calling out to him...

- we'll meet again Julian...I know we will)

© 15/12/04 (F.Grillo)

Not With You Beside Me...

2006-03-16T03:25:00.000-07:00

Poetry is hard. I would say anyone can tell you that, but there's a chance there's someone out there who can pour poetry out of their minds as easily as a person can pour orange juice into a glass. I'm not one of those people.
Sometimes, however, the muse decides to dance her way down from whereever she's hiding and present herself to me. An instant later, the poem is flowing from my typing hands as quickly as water does down a clear river (I don't know why I keep coming up with this imagery). There are the poems which I write...then leave. Curiously enough, they then turn out to be my proudest works. I'm not saying I'm extremely happy with the poem I've put in this post, but it comes very close. Admittedly, it's not a work of pure art and genuis, dear God no. But it's something that comes from the heart and fits what I felt at that moment so well, which is why I'm not so concerned about it's structure or rhythm.
I think I was having a bit of a tough time, and Tom eased me through it, giving me that extra bit of hope that I needed to lighten up my situation. Later, this poem came to mind:

I look into your eyes,
and i see my face inside.
I feel the warmth within,
the border becoming thin.

when I feel your arms around me,
I just know you feel the same.
The cold I felt around me,
thus no longer threatened to maime:
not with you beside me.

When I feel your gentle caress,
It sends shivers down my spine.
You've made me such a mess.
I know I'll never cross the line:
Now with you beside me.

When you first passed by my eyes,
I thought life would never be the same.
You've softened my cries,
I'll never suffer pain:
Not with you beside me.

No...not with you beside me.

© *exact date not remembered, though original work kept* 2005 (F.Grillo)

To my cousin on her 16th

2006-03-16T03:14:00.000-07:00

I wanted the first piece I put down here to be something snappy, so I thought i'd put this one in. It's a card I wrote to my cousin Jessica on her 16th Birthday. I figured why buy her one when I can make it.
There are some lines in it which don't work I admit, but writing poetry, unless it comes to me automatically, is hard. The first two bit flowed like water, but you can tell where I struggled. I like it

Never mind...here it is...To Jessica:

You’ve had your ups
You’ve had your downs
But you’ve risen up
By many bounds

No longer is
That girl so young
Who’d follow me with
None stop tongue

Your questions, they did pursue me
“Why this, why that”
And I, still young
Would give you all this tat

You’re a woman now
Mature and grown
With jobs and friends
And much to learn

I’ve watched you develop
I’ve watched you mature
No matter your attitude
I see you demure

Let your life teach you
Let knowledge thrive
You’re still so young
Of heart and mind

You’ll soon be free
Patience gains success
Search for that dream
You’re supported the whole way

© 02/08/04 (F.Grillo)

Immortalising the past

2006-03-16T02:37:00.000-07:00

Ok I'm still getting to grips a little with blogs as they tend to have a mind of their own. I've uploaded a new photo but I don't know when it'll take and start showing so I'll put a description here just for the sake of it if/when it does appear.

Me...In a hole...Need I say more?

Yes I do. My good friend Laura and I went to a castle outside of London with a Hungarian friend of hers. We were wondering around the ruined castle when we walked into the 'kitchen' area. There was a big hole there. The hole called to me. I climbed into the hole and much fun was had. Laura took a photo to immortalise the fun that was had in the hole and all was well.

Searching for photos, I've been surfing a particular server I used to frequent to, but no longer do now, I found, to my glee, several photos which I had taken in my younger years (aaah..time of youth). I'm feeling compelled to put them on here as, I don't know what I did, what I pressed, but somehow, some months back, I lost all the photos I took on webcam, marking all the moments of sheer madness I had with my dear Laurin. Fortunately, some of the ones I thought I'd lost, are still alive (so to speak) today. I warn, I was a bit of a freak when I was a teen. Even more so than now (is that possible?). I'm going to pick selectively so keep an eye out for them.
(Forgive me if my written English isn't making much sense, I'm in the kind of mood only coffee can induce (without actually having drunk any) and I'm excited about this weekend (LARP). That can do with things to me.

In the beginning....

2006-03-16T02:00:00.000-07:00

Hello, this is Frankie, inviting you to view and enjoy my works. I've created this blog as the first one I produced didn't go quite as planned. It's still around, but I'm going to concentrate my efforts more on this one now, knowing how Blogs work and how I can play it to my advantage.

On this page, you will be able to take a look at my works such as short stories, poetry and some illustrations. I've been a little cautious in the past about displaying my works online as I'm worried about someone taking any ideas I may have and I miss out on the credit. I'm not amazingly proud of my works that I'm convinced they will all be stolen, I'd just rather be safe than sorry as I treasure my works no matter how pants they are.

Anyway, enough rambling. Enjoy.
(don't ask about the title...as many of my creative friends would understand, it's a bugger coming up with them!)

Frankie's Quark 2

Another angel gone up to Heaven

The art of writing..a has it?

House Hunting

Annnnd........Relief

I'm on a roll this month...

Lasting results

A long awaited solution

A bit of pain for some gain

As subtle as a gust of wind in a cloud

Jobs a huntin' game

They're so sky high, I need glasses to see them!

Ah how time flies...

the pleasure / pain theory

Work and Wyrd Sisters ramblings

Careful what you wish for...they can come true

Roll on weekend!

Attack of the Tangerine women!

My 'Yearly' update...and Wyrd Sisters plug!!

Soon to be Mrs....

Bring on 2007!

Sweeney Todd Photos

work, rehearsal, work, show, show, sleeeeeeep

Update

Poem for Narween

And......Relax.......

Narween's fate

I'm rubbish I admit it : )

Title Change

Update

No Longer Three to Twelve.

I'm feeling about 32% our of 100 right now....

My Dr Wayne Dyer Experience

Warning...Request...call it what you want

I have the power!!.....Apparently

A little something I've worked on...

This is one huge silver lining!

Update: So There is a light!

Minor rant of the year

*Under Construction*

One of my many weaknesses....

Emmanuelle Beart

Forever Friends........no, not the bears.

Mother's Day Flowers

Shameless Plugging time

Fae and Sprite

Merielle

Cutty Sark and the irrational Fear

Door to the Soul

A Painful Victory

Not With You Beside Me...

To my cousin on her 16th

Immortalising the past

In the beginning....

Under Construction